You've Got to Be Kidding!: How to Keep Your Job Without Losing Your Integrity

Nan DeMars’s 12-Step Program to Keep Your Boss Ethical

Imagine that your boss has asked you to do something you believe to be unethical. Take the following steps in order to “manage upward” and resolve the dilemma:

Step 1: Pick a good (meaning convenient and comfortable for both of you) time and place to discuss your disagreement. Just as you wouldn’t schedule a meeting with your boss about an ethical problem the same day she just lost her biggest client, you also wouldn’t have such a meeting out in the receptionist area either.

Step 2: Thank your boss for taking the time to meet with you. Tell her how much you appreciate her willingness to continue your effective working relationship and how much you value the open relationship the two of you have developed.

Step 3: Define your ethical expectations again. You (hopefully) did this at the time you were hired; now, do it again, clearly and simply. Remind her of the earlier agreement you made to tell each other when something is bothering you about your working relationship. You can acknowledge that, while her standards may differ from yours, you wish to have her respect for your parameters as well.

Step 4: Lay out the dilemma in clear, simple terms without being accusatory. Always keep in mind that this is the situation as you see it, which may not be how she sees it or even the concrete facts.

Step 5: Give your boss a chance to retract her request. Replay the request accordingly, “Am I to understand you wish me to tape a telephone ...