You've Got to Be Kidding!: How to Keep Your Job Without Losing Your Integrity

Inquiring Minds Do Not Have to Know

Colleagues and coworkers frequently expect you to play every role: confidante, communication channel to the boss, teller of secrets, early-warning system for bad news, tabloid reporter of senior management’s shenanigans—and maybe even friend. And everyone becomes disappointed and upset with you when you don’t meet their expectations.

Even friends are not above pushing the envelope of confidentiality with one another. Fred, executive assistant to a CEO, told me about a peer at another firm who continually pressed him to find out the amount of his salary and bonus. Fred believes his friend was simply seeking leverage to perhaps increase her own salary, since she had a comparable position. However, Fred respects confidentiality in all aspects of his job, so he routinely dodged the question (e.g., “Salaries are confidential at our firm” or “My boss doesn’t want me to reveal my earnings”). But his friend persisted without ever taking the hint. Finally, Fred got blunt and said: “That is confidential information about my job, and I’m not going to tell you—ever!” That finally got through to her.

Most ethical dilemmas that involve confidentiality are rooted in unrealistic, misplaced, and misunderstood expectations. People are seeking certain types of information from you that they have no business seeking; yet they feel they are somehow entitled to this information merely because they have a relationship with you. It’s your duty to set them straight by ...