Chapter 4

The Genius of Self-Protection

One of the great questions of life is why change is so difficult. When we really want to quit smoking, why is it so hard to just stop? When we believe with all of our heart and soul that being nice to people is the very best possible way to act, why is it so hard to do that? Going back to the case in the previous chapter, even though Carrie believes that being defensive in her interactions with Joe is not helpful, why does she continue to behave that way? She really does believe that engaging Joe openly would be a useful and constructive way to interact, so why doesn’t she do that?

There are probably many answers to these questions—ranging from physical drivers of behavior such as addiction to the insight ...

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