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What's Stopping You: Why Smart People Don't Always Reach Their Potential and How You Can, 2nd Edition

Book Description

A practical guide to attacking the most common of phobias: fear of failure

A practical guide to attacking the most common of phobias: fear of failureSince its publication in 2011, What's Stopping You? has offered readers a hard look at the quality of their careers and personal lives. For those who'd give themselves a solid "C+", this brutally honest guide to taking stock also offers the keys to self-improvement. By dismantling the fear inhibiting all achievement—fear of failure—author Robert Kelsey offers a set of seven steps designed to help readers map out their actions, and attain what once seemed elusive milestones.

Written for the frustrated underachiever or anyone who feels like one, this unique book addresses can the real obstacles hindering both professional and personal growth.

  • Includes a new chapter with tactics for overcoming a fear of failure

  • Explores methods for dealing with different types of people in a host of situations, such as getting a new job, pitching for new work, making presentations, or communicating clearly in an argument

With a Foreword by one of Britain's most successful businessman, Luke Johnson, this unique handbook to overcoming the most basic of fears is a must for anyone who would like to upgrade the quality of their life.

Table of Contents

  1. Cover
  2. ENDORSEMENTS
  3. Title page
  4. Copyright page
  5. DEDICATION
  6. PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION
  7. FOREWORD BY LUKE JOHNSON
  8. INTRODUCTION
    1. Fear of failure
    2. The monkey on my back
    3. A practitioner in failure
    4. An addiction to self-help
  9. PART ONE: What is Stopping You?
    1. 1 FEAR
      1. Blind to office politics
      2. Emotions and their role in survival
      3. Impaired mental capacity
      4. Experiments in emotional manipulation
      5. Task perseverance, task avoidance
      6. Mastery or ego orientation
      7. Self-help books aimed at High-FFs
      8. Dream fulfilment is a false promise
      9. Avoidance behaviours
      10. “Attribution theory” and the “locus of control”
    2. 2 EXTERNAL RESPONSES
      1. Post-traumatic stress disorder
      2. Daniel Goleman and high EQ
      3. High-FFs are capable of emotional intelligence
      4. Getting on top of our external responses
      5. Anger as concealment and control
      6. Frustration and anxiety
      7. Depression is a thief
      8. Taking responsibility
      9. Focus on the present and future
    3. 3 FAILURE AS A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE
      1. Failure is a question of interpretation
      2. The link with low self-esteem
      3. Reframing failure
      4. Depersonalizing failure
      5. Company failure is a transformed concept
      6. “Fail better”
    4. 4 PRODUCING BETTER RESPONSES
      1. Cognitive behavioural therapy
      2. Start a diary
  10. PART TWO: Goals
    1. 5 ACT
      1. Circle of influence
      2. Goals are a major differentiator
      3. The grey zone
      4. Avoiding avoidance goals
      5. Setting the right goals
    2. 6 VISUALIZATION
      1. NLP needs tempering
      2. Visualization of goals
      3. Parcelling up the 10-year goals
      4. Lurid fantasies
      5. Picking the right jungle
      6. The Character Ethic
      7. The principles come first
      8. Our own constitution
      9. A dynamic towards appropriate goal setting
      10. Goal-setting may take several goes
    3. 7 LANGUAGE AND BEHAVIOUR
      1. Write down your goals
      2. Behave as if we are already there
      3. Positive self-talk
      4. Pre- and post-visualization exercises
      5. The Reticular Activating System – our “antennae”
      6. Luck and the winner’s curse
    4. 8 APPROPRIATE GOAL SETTING FOR RECOVERING HIGH-FFS
      1. Setting the wrong goals can be fatal
      2. Money’s diminishing returns
      3. Setting goals beyond our goals
      4. If we could have our goals now – would we?
      5. Recognize the milestones
  11. PART THREE: Execution
    1. 9 STRATEGY AND TACTICS
      1. The strategic bridge
      2. Advantages of a strategy
      3. The strength of adopting “objectives, strategy, tactics”
      4. The SWOT
      5. A strategy based on strengths and opportunities
      6. Be different
      7. The “jumping out of the aeroplane” moment
      8. The required fight
      9. Rules for tactical execution
    2. 10 JUDGEMENT AND IDEAS
      1. Judgement calls in three stages
      2. The joy of crises
      3. 50:50s
      4. The false hope of ideas
      5. A technique for producing ideas
    3. 11 MANAGING THE PROCESS
      1. Anyone can adopt efficient practices
      2. Covey’s four activity boxes
      3. Rethinking the notion of time
      4. Create a timetable
      5. Proactively managing interruptions
      6. Clearing roadblocks
      7. “Sharpening the saw”
      8. “To do” lists and “checklists”
      9. Deal with the worst thing first
      10. Prioritization and efficiency
      11. Endeavour is the key
  12. PART FOUR: People
    1. 12 SELF-ESTEEM
      1. People skills are vital
      2. Low self-esteem – the distorting mirror
      3. Deconstructing low self-esteem
      4. The fight back
      5. Judged by intentions, not actions
      6. See the best in others
      7. Spreading positivity
    2. 13 DEALING WITH THE BOSS
      1. Three types of bad boss
      2. The Pisstaker’s Charter
      3. Developing better responses
      4. Understand their weaknesses
      5. Developing win–win situations
    3. 14 PROGRESS AS AN EMPLOYEE
      1. Understand the organization
      2. When opportunity knocks, open the door
      3. Become the boss’s adviser
      4. High-FFs and delegation
      5. Commit to the organization
      6. “Thank God it’s today”
    4. 15 NETWORKING AND INTERVIEWS
      1. Forget playground experiences
      2. Generating rapport
      3. Networking potential
      4. Networking don’ts
      5. Should any openings come up . . .
      6. Dealing with interviews
      7. Avoiding self-sabotage
    5. 16 LEADERSHIP
      1. Leadership suits the High-FF
      2. A new approach to leadership
      3. The crucial ability: empathy
      4. The paradox of success
      5. One minute management
      6. Make others feel important
      7. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
      8. The hiring gambit
      9. Spotting curious people
      10. It won’t always work
      11. Inspiring leadership
      12. Motivating a team
      13. Loyalty runs down the hierarchy, not up
      14. Using High-FF traits to our advantage
  13. PART FIVE: Me Inc.
    1. 17 THE HIGH-FF ENTREPRENEUR
      1. The entrepreneurial myth
      2. Traits for sustainability
      3. Terror is unavoidable
    2. 18 ALTERNATIVE PATHS FOR THE HIGH-FF
      1. “Partnerships don’t work”
      2. Typical High-FF partnership failings
      3. Towards strong partnering
      4. When partnerships go wrong
      5. The positive side of partnerships
      6. Freelancing and consultancy work
      7. The franchising alternative
      8. Developing a mental autonomy
  14. CONCLUSION – THE POINT OF RECOVERY
    1. Quit obsessing
    2. Be self-critical
    3. In defence of melancholy
    4. Choosing to serve
    5. Empower others
  15. SEVEN STEPS TO NAVIGATING FEAR OF FAILURE
    1. Step One: Discover your true values
    2. Step Two: Visualize your goals
    3. Step Three: Develop the milestones
    4. Step Four: Establish a strategy and some tactics
    5. Step Five: Execute efficiently
    6. Step Six: Deal with people
    7. Step Seven: Find your unique gift
  16. BIBLIOGRAPHY
  17. ABOUT ROBERT KELSEY
  18. Index