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What's Stopping You Being More Confident?

Book Description

A prescriptive, commonsense approach to self-confidence and success

With his bestselling book, What's Stopping You, Robert Kelsey helped thousands of people conquer their fear of failure and unlock their full potential in life. Now Robert is applying his unique approach to the subject of confidence. According to Robert, it's not something that can simply be injected into us through motivational exercises and positive thinking. What's StoppingYou...Being More Confident? highlights the key reasons why you might be lacking confidence in the first place, what causes self-doubt or makes you feel less able than others. Then we are shown how to turn this around, by examining the traits that make someone confident.

  • Follow-up to the ground-breaking bestseller, What's Stopping You?, with the same intelligent approach to self-help

  • A road map to help us break down the barriers that make us shy away from achieving our full potential

  • How to recognize what you're good at, but also what you're not good at

  • Includes tactics for maintaining self-assurance and learning how to apply these in real-life practical situations

  • Based on extensive research and personal experience

  • Table of Contents

    1. COVER
    2. ENDORSEMENTS
    3. TITLE PAGE
    4. COPYRIGHT PAGE
    5. DEDICATION
    6. INTRODUCTION
      1. The confidence industry
      2. Confidence is . . .
      3. The truth about confidence
    7. PART ONE: Explaining Poor Confidence
      1. 1 SCRIPTS
        1. Supports for poor confidence
        2. A life sentence
        3. Replaying the scripts of childhood
        4. Same parents, different parenting
        5. Playing favourites
        6. Winner takes all
        7. The underlying malaise – low-self-esteem
        8. The development and maintenance of low self-esteem
        9. Self-esteem is a journey not a destination
      2. 2 MINDSET
        1. Hierarchy of needs
        2. Flaws with Maslow
        3. The safety trap
        4. Trauma-based therapies
        5. The growth mindset
        6. You are work-in-progress
        7. Gaining confidence requires a growth mindset
        8. Mindset transcends confidence
      3. 3 REACTIONS
        1. CBT and self-beliefs
        2. Our characteristic style of thinking
        3. The principles of CBT
        4. The exposure technique
        5. Ingredients for change
      4. 4 THE JOURNEY
        1. Reversing your thinking
        2. Tear up the sick note
    8. PART TWO: The Alchemy of Confidence
      1. 5 OPTIMISM AND RESILIENCE
        1. The link with control
        2. Optimistic explanations
        3. Countering learned helplessness
        4. Resilience – more than coping
        5. Resilience under stress
        6. Clutch can be learnt
        7. Choking
        8. Preventing choking
        9. The heat of the battle
      2. 6 SELF-EFFICACY AND TALENT
        1. Belief in our skills
        2. Self-efficacy is self-reinforcing
        3. Roots of self-efficacy
        4. Self-efficacy is domain-specific
        5. The myth of talent
        6. IQ has little bearing
        7. The Mozart exception?
        8. Experience counts
      3. 7 COURAGE AND EXTRAVERSION
        1. Acting despite our fears
        2. Developing courage – perseverance
        3. Developing courage – motivation
        4. Extraversion – the incautious personality
        5. Extraverts are adrenaline-driven
        6. A socially-disabling temperament
        7. Social setting significant for confidence
      4. 8 TRUST AND JUDGEMENT
        1. The scales of trust
        2. Dealing with betrayal
        3. The bias of judgements
        4. Heuristics in decision-making
        5. Developing critical thinking
        6. Judgement’s key ingredient: experience
    9. PART THREE: Achievement
      1. 9 IDENTITY
        1. Where the work begins
        2. The cycle of excellence
        3. Moving towards something positive
        4. How not to define yourself
        5. The stereo-trap
        6. Define our values
        7. Principles rather than values
        8. What about Zuckerberg?
      2. 10 GOALS
        1. Creating our blueprint
        2. Begin with the end in mind
        3. Avoiding empty actions
        4. Using NLP for goal-setting
        5. Extrapolate your desires
      3. 11 THE PLAN
        1. Requirements for a Campaign Plan
        2. Avoiding the traps of execution
    10. PART FOUR: Situations
      1. 12 SHYNESS
        1. The role of the amygdala
        2. The bold-timid dimension
        3. A lower threshold of excitability
        4. Emotional responses
        5. Social situations trigger shyness
        6. Don’t be yourself
      2. 13 DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE AT WORK
        1. What you can do
        2. Bolstering your own power
      3. 14 WORKING WITH OTHERS
        1. 1. Learn to say no
        2. 2. State your intentions
        3. 3. Learn to delegate
        4. 4. Overcome hesitation
        5. 5. Learn to persuade
        6. 6. Give rather than seek compliments
        7. 7. Don’t sweat the boss
        8. 8. Handle challenging people with elegance
      4. 15 DATING
        1. Poor confidence is gender-specific
        2. Fear of rejection and humiliation
        3. Avoid The Rules
        4. Be valued
    11. PART FIVE: Barriers
      1. 16 PREJUDICE
        1. Prejudice is real
        2. Imposter phenomenon
        3. Tackling prejudice
      2. 17 PROCRASTINATION
        1. The judgement of others
        2. Parental influence
        3. Tactics for the procrastinator
      3. 18 DEPRESSION
        1. Obsessive negative thinking
        2. The causes
        3. Guilt and depression
        4. Slaying the internal monster
        5. Prevention rather than cure
      4. 19 STRESS AND ANXIETY
        1. Pressure greater than our ability to cope
        2. Appreciating the moment
        3. The uses of mindfulness
        4. Anxiety – a natural state
        5. NLP and anxiety
      5. 20 HUBRIS
        1. Enron – hubris on an epic scale
        2. The worship of talent
        3. A seductive elixir
        4. Avoiding hubris
        5. The joy of the SWOT
        6. Ultimately, become an entrepreneur
        7. The self-efficacy of the self-employed
    12. THE ROUTE TO CONFIDENCE – IN SEVEN STAGES
      1. Stage One: Examine why you are under-confident
      2. Stage Two: Calculate the impact of this on your present thinking
      3. Stage Three: Understand the alchemy of confidence
      4. Stage Four: Focus on where you want to gain confidence
      5. Stage Five: Plan for confidence
      6. Stage Six: Act
      7. Stage Seven: Become confident when dealing with people
    13. WHAT THE PSYCHOLOGISTS SAY
      1. Sigmund Freud (1856–1939) – and the unconscious mind
      2. Alfred Adler (1870–1937) – and the inferiority complex
      3. Carl Jung (1875–1961) – and archetypes
      4. Karen Horney (1885–1952) – and the ‘shoulds’
      5. Fritz Perls (1893–1970) – perception shapes reality
      6. Erich Fromm (1900–1980) – ‘know thyself’
      7. Carl Rogers (1902–1987) – and the person-centred approach
      8. Viktor Frankl (1905–1997) – suffering ceases with meaning
      9. Albert Ellis (1913–2007) – and irrational thinking
      10. Virginia Satir (1916–1988) – the family ‘factory’
    14. BIBLIOGRAPHY
    15. ABOUT ROBERT KELSEY
    16. INDEX