A WAY OUT OF DEFENSIVENESS

For Sid, the way out of defensiveness was to build his sense of self-esteem. At the heart of defensiveness is a sense of unworthiness and powerlessness. A trader who feels good about himself and has a secure sense of his own worthiness will not fear making a mistake and owning up to it publicly.

As a first step in his recovery, we worked on building Sid’s awareness of how he came to be so defensive as a powerless child. When he began to understand why he had needed to defend himself against the steady stream of criticism, he began to dismantle his defense systems because he was no longer a powerless child but a strong and independent adult.

Next, we focused on the things that Sid did well and on all of his achievements. We went back through his childhood and celebrated all of his un-acknowledged achievements. He listed his strengths and the things that he did right. Then, he learned how to visualize himself performing well and being acknowledged for his achievements.

The final step of his recovery was rehearsing his acceptance of criticism, correction, blame, and attacks. Some of the criticism was constructive and some was negative. It did not matter in the rehearsals. Sid needed to understand that all criticism and correction should be acknowledged. People who are willing to speak their minds about what they perceive as wrong need to know that they have been heard. Otherwise, they simply get angry, frustrated, and willing to take action that you do not ...

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