Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People At Work: Without Using Weapons Or Duct Tape

Chapter 10. Plotting Toxic Cleanup

Why is it that you can always think of the right thing to say after a difficult communication? Because you don't use what you know! VIP (very important plotting: verbiage, intent, and posture) communication tells you to put your mind in gear before opening your mouth.

You know this; you just don't always do it! Understanding how to communicate more effectively is no guarantee that your interactions will automatically improve. Understanding is one thing, whereas achieving a different outcome is another. You have to practice new behaviors over and over to develop a habit. This is just as true for verbal skills as it is for any others.

Habits for VIP Communication

If you want to move into the upper echelon of VIP communicators, you will have to create habits built on what you already know: verbiage, intent, and posture. The fact that you have seen other people manage fights, angry people, and toxic situations proves that these are learnable skills. If you can't deal with Toxic People now, it's not that it can't be done; it's just that you have not yet chosen to learn and polish your skills to get it done.

VERBIAGE

Think of the words that send you into orbit. For me, the phrase "Do you understand?" has a very negative connotation. "Do they think I'm stupid?" is what's going through my head when I hear that phrase. For many people, such comments feel like a verbal slap in the face. Have you had this experience, too? If so, do you ever find yourself doing ...