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Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People At Work: Without Using Weapons Or Duct Tape

Book Description

Praise For Toxic People

"From corporate America to the smallest business owner, this book should be mandatory reading because it provides toxic relief that will put money in your pocket and calm in your personality. A dose of this reading would enhance the success of business school students and smooth out a few bumps in a rocky marriage."

Richard L. Labrum, Vice President, Wealth Management, Smith Barney

"If you're just sick to death of those people who zap the energy right out of you, Marsha has the cure! In no-nonsense terms, she gives us the prescription for dealing with toxic people. She mixes in the right dosage of personal experience, humor, and practical advice to create a compelling message that is highly relevant in our personal and professional lives. I highly recommend this book to everyone interested in cleaning up toxic behaviors!"

John Ryan, Vice President, American Express

"Marsha Petrie Sue is the Muhammad Ali of communicators. She can dance and look pretty, and she uses the entire ring, but she knows how and when to land a knockout punch. If you have bad relationships, you'll learn why. This is charm school with live ammunition!"

David Rawles, founder and President, Career Solutions, Inc.

"Marsha Petrie Sue's 'take the bull by the horns' approach to self-realization and, if so chosen, self-improvement, is the antidote to today's wimpy leadership malaise. She takes readers by their collars, looks them straight in the eyes, and tells them in no uncertain terms that their key to both personal and professional happiness is attainable only through critical self-evaluation and the will to transcend their current situations."Randy O'Neill, Senior Vice President, Lancer Insurance Company

"She has done it again! She gives us permission to 'sack the toxic people' who suck out our energy. Take Marsha's ticket to freedom: give yourself permission to send the toxic people on their not-so-merry way!"

Dr. Geoff Haw, Consultant, Sagacity Services, Australia

"Marsha always finds a way to deliver the most difficult messages in a humorous way (this book is one example). You will be able to apply this book in everyday life and anywhere you encounter people!"

Tina Aguirre, Senior IT Manager, oil and energy company

Table of Contents

  1. Praise for Toxic People
  2. Copyright
  3. Preface
  4. Acknowledgments
  5. 1. A Hair in Your Biscuit
    1. 1.1. Try a Little TLC—Take It, Leave It, or Change It
    2. 1.2. External Use of TLC
    3. 1.3. Liar Liar, Pants on Fire
      1. 1.3.1. LOOK FOR INCONSISTENCIES
      2. 1.3.2. ASK THE UNEXPECTED
      3. 1.3.3. DOES THEIR BEHAVIOR CHANGE?
      4. 1.3.4. LOOK FOR INSINCERE EMOTIONS
      5. 1.3.5. PAY ATTENTION TO GUT REACTIONS
      6. 1.3.6. WATCH FOR MICROEXPRESSIONS
      7. 1.3.7. LOOK FOR CONTRADICTIONS
      8. 1.3.8. NOTICE A SENSE OF UNEASE
      9. 1.3.9. BEWARE OF TOO MUCH DETAIL
      10. 1.3.10. DON'T IGNORE THE TRUTH
    4. 1.4. Extra Tip: Be Trusting
  6. 2. Doesn't Work Well with Others
    1. 2.1. Don't Try to Change People
    2. 2.2. Quit Knee-Jerking
    3. 2.3. Control Ugly Outcomes
    4. 2.4. Dump the "Yabit Habit"
    5. 2.5. Watch Your Mouth
    6. 2.6. Attitude Does Count
  7. 3. The Steamroller
    1. 3.1. Take I: How They Sound
    2. 3.2. Names Will Never Hurt Me
    3. 3.3. What to Look For
    4. 3.4. The Message the Steamroller Sends
    5. 3.5. The Payoff for the Steamroller's Toxic Behavior
    6. 3.6. Survival Tactics
    7. 3.7. What to Say
    8. 3.8. Behaviors to Avoid
    9. 3.9. Take II: How It Should Sound
  8. 4. The Zipper Lip
    1. 4.1. Take I: How They Sound
    2. 4.2. Names Will Never Hurt Me
    3. 4.3. What to Look For
    4. 4.4. The Message the Zipper Lip Sends
    5. 4.5. The Payoff for the Zipper Lip's Toxic Behavior
    6. 4.6. Survival Tactics
    7. 4.7. What to Say
    8. 4.8. Behaviors to Avoid
    9. 4.9. Take II: How It Should Sound
  9. 5. The Backstabber
    1. 5.1. Take I: How They Sound
    2. 5.2. Names Will Never Hurt Me
    3. 5.3. What to Look For
    4. 5.4. The Message the Backstabber Sends
    5. 5.5. Survival Tactics
    6. 5.6. What to Say
    7. 5.7. Behaviors to Avoid
    8. 5.8. Take II: How It Should Sound
  10. 6. The Know-It-All
    1. 6.1. Take I: How They Sound
    2. 6.2. Names Will Never Hurt Me
    3. 6.3. What to Look For
    4. 6.4. The Payoff for the Know-It-All's Toxic Behavior
    5. 6.5. Survival Tactics
    6. 6.6. What to Say
    7. 6.7. Behaviors to Avoid
    8. 6.8. Take II: How It Should Sound
  11. 7. The Needy Weenie
    1. 7.1. Take I: How They Sound
    2. 7.2. Names Will Never Hurt Me
    3. 7.3. What to Look For
    4. 7.4. The Message the Needy Weenie Sends
    5. 7.5. The Payoff for the Needy Weenie's Toxic Behavior
    6. 7.6. Survival Tactics
    7. 7.7. What to Say
    8. 7.8. Behaviors to Avoid
    9. 7.9. Take II: How It Should Sound
  12. 8. The Whine and Cheeser
    1. 8.1. Take I: How They Sound
    2. 8.2. Names Will Never Hurt Me
    3. 8.3. What to Look For
    4. 8.4. The Message the Whine and Cheeser Sends
    5. 8.5. The Payoff for the Whine and Cheeser's Toxic Behavior
    6. 8.6. Survival Tactics
    7. 8.7. What to Say
    8. 8.8. Behaviors to Avoid
    9. 8.9. Take II: How It Should Sound
  13. 9. Planning for Toxic Spills
    1. 9.1. Strategies to Reduce Fear
      1. 9.1.1. SEPARATE CAUTION FROM FEAR
      2. 9.1.2. BE OPTIMISTIC
      3. 9.1.3. DEVELOP TRUE BELIEF IN YOURSELF
      4. 9.1.4. DO SOMETHING
      5. 9.1.5. REMIND YOURSELF THAT FEAR HOLDS YOU BACK
    2. 9.2. Face Down Fear!
    3. 9.3. Focus on Resolution
      1. 9.3.1. HOW THE PLANNING WORKSHEET COULD LOOK
    4. 9.4. Drama Queen
  14. 10. Plotting Toxic Cleanup
    1. 10.1. Habits for VIP Communication
      1. 10.1.1. VERBIAGE
      2. 10.1.2. INTENT
      3. 10.1.3. POSTURE
    2. 10.2. Plotting to Manage Toxic Bosses
      1. 10.2.1. ILLEGAL OR UNETHICAL BEHAVIOR
      2. 10.2.2. IRRITATING BEHAVIOR
      3. 10.2.3. WHAT IS THE COST?
  15. 11. Listen Up!
    1. 11.1. Ears and Brains
    2. 11.2. Listening Scoreboard
    3. 11.3. Three, Two, One ... Blast Off
      1. 11.3.1. LEVEL III—LA-LA LAND LISTENING
      2. 11.3.2. LEVEL II—SKIMMING
      3. 11.3.3. LEVEL I—TUNED IN
      4. 11.3.4. THREE LISTENERS
    4. 11.4. Survival Tactics
    5. 11.5. Huh? Your Challenge
  16. 12. Control the Uncontrollable
    1. 12.1. Control Your Job
      1. 12.1.1. YOU ARE BEING PAID TOO MUCH FOR WHAT YOU REALLY DO
      2. 12.1.2. YOU HAVE NOT TAKEN INVENTORY OF YOUR TALENTS (OR LACK OF TALENT)
      3. 12.1.3. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO MARKET YOURSELF
    2. 12.2. Control Others
    3. 12.3. Control Yourself
      1. 12.3.1. FLUFFY SOFT SKILLS
      2. 12.3.2. HERE IS THE PROBLEM
    4. 12.4. Control It All
      1. 12.4.1. MORE TRAINING = BETTER OUTCOMES
  17. 13. Toxic Customer Service
    1. 13.1. Winning Over a Toxic Client
      1. 13.1.1. LET THEM VENT
      2. 13.1.2. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET ANGRY BECAUSE THEY ARE ANGRY
      3. 13.1.3. SEE THEIR ISSUE FROM THEIR VIEWPOINT
      4. 13.1.4. PROBLEM SOLVE ACTIVELY
      5. 13.1.5. AGREE ON THE SOLUTION
      6. 13.1.6. FOLLOW UP
    2. 13.2. Reverse the Scenario
    3. 13.3. External and Internal Testing
    4. 13.4. All a Toxic Client Wants Is ...
  18. 14. Mental Looting
    1. 14.1. Look to Ben
    2. 14.2. Toxic Soup
    3. 14.3. Yes-o-Meter
    4. 14.4. How to Say No without Feeling Guilty (or Getting Fired)
    5. 14.5. Defensive People Are Looters
    6. 14.6. Arguing
    7. 14.7. Counseling and Coaching
    8. 14.8. Asserting Yourself
  19. 15. Toxic Infections
    1. 15.1. Triage: Are You Infected?
    2. 15.2. Healing Toxic Infections
      1. 15.2.1. ENERGY: A CURE FOR TOXIC INFECTIONS
      2. 15.2.2. SPIRIT: VIVACITY, VERVE, AND ENTHUSIASM
      3. 15.2.3. SELF-CONFIDENCE: HOW YOU VIEW YOUR ABILITIES
      4. 15.2.4. HUMOR: THE BEST MEDICINE
    3. 15.3. Depression Infection
  20. 16. Ruffled Feathers
    1. 16.1. Caged?
    2. 16.2. Women Take Care; Men Take Charge
    3. 16.3. Toxic E-Mail
  21. 17. On a Personal Note
    1. 17.1. One Day at a Time!
    2. 17.2. Toxic Kids Learned from Toxic Adults
    3. 17.3. It's Okay to Laugh at Yourself
    4. 17.4. Don't Become Toxic When a Loved One Dies
    5. 17.5. Take Personal Responsibility for Kids
    6. 17.6. Cyberbullying
    7. 17.7. Decontaminating—Your Personal Responsibility
  22. 18. Survivor
    1. 18.1. Leader Checklist
    2. 18.2. Employee Checklist
    3. 18.3. Survivor Checklist
  23. About the Author