The Rules of Parenting, 2nd Edition

RULE 108

It’s not your fault

Some people breeze through life and some people struggle. Sometimes there’s an obvious reason why they struggle, and sometimes there’s no apparent reason at all. But often it’s to do with the way they’re made.

I’ve known people, as doubtless you have, from terrible backgrounds. Abuse, neglect, tragedy, you name it. A lot of them have, inevitably, been damaged by it, but many have come through stronger for it. I know a man who has no hands – he had them amputated due to illness in his late teens – and he’s the cheeriest, most well-balanced fellow you could hope to meet. I know people who have had terrible childhoods grow up to be rational and happy adults. I know dysfunctional families where some kids have grown ...