RULE 9

You’re allowed to hide from your kids

If Rule 8 says that your kids are allowed to drive you mad, it follows that you have to be allowed to do something about it. Personally, I’m in favour of running away and hiding. No, seriously, I’ve been known to nip into the nearest cupboard and hold my breath until they’ve left the room.

You know the feeling. You can hear them getting closer and closer, saying, ‘I’m telling on you!’ ‘No, I’m telling on you!’ You just know that you’re the one they’re planning to tell, and you have no idea who did what to whom or whether it was justified. What is the Rules parent supposed to do? Well, the answer is obvious to me: you hide. And do you know what? When they can’t find you, they almost always sort it ...

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