The Rules of Love, 3rd Edition

RULE 57

Most everyday arguments are about something else

Once you’re settled into a relationship, it can be surprising how many petty little arguments you find yourselves having. In some cases you have the same arguments again and again. What’s the point of that? Well, I’ll tell you – very often the point is that you may think you resolved things last time, but actually you’re not having the argument you think you are. You’re having a completely different argument but neither of you has realized it.

If this Rule reminds you somewhat of the last one, that’s because it’s an extension of it. In order to work out what the real argument is about, you have to apply Rule 56 and listen to what isn’t being said.

Let me give you an example and I think ...