Skip This Part, It’s Not For You.

Really, I should skip this part?

Well, probably, but I guess that depends. If you’ve had your iPhone for a few months and you already know how to turn it on, how to zoom in, how to navigate around, put it to sleep, and of course you clearly understand how each day, before you use your iPhone, you must attenuate the built-in self-leveling device, including the exact application of the proper amount of iPhone diopter fluid, then you can skip right to Chapter 2.

What in the world is iPhone diopter fluid?

I dunno—I made that up, but I liked that one even better than my made up “attenuate the built-in self-leveling device” line before it.

Why would you make this stuff up?

I guess that’s what happens when you mix alcohol ...

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