You are previewing Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success.
O'Reilly logo
Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success

Book Description

Karl Albrecht defines social intelligence (SI) as the ability to get along well with others while winning their cooperation. SI is a combination of sensitivity to the needs and interests of others, sometimes called your “social radar,” an attitude of generosity and consideration, and a set of practical skills for interacting successfully with people in any setting. Social Intelligence provides a highly accessible and comprehensive model for describing, assessing, and developing social intelligence at a personal level. This book is filled with intriguing concepts, enlightening examples, stories, cases, situational strategies, and a self-assessment tool – all designed to help you learn to navigate social situations more successfully.

Table of Contents

  1. Copyright
  2. FOREWORD
  3. ACKNOWLEDGMENT
  4. PREFACE
  5. 1. A DIFFERENT KIND OF "SMART"
    1. 1.1. OLD WINE IN NEW BOTTLES?
    2. 1.2. GOING BEYOND IQ
    3. 1.3. EI, SI, OR BOTH?
    4. 1.4. FROM TOXIC TO NOURISHING
    5. 1.5. BLIND SPOTS, LENSES, AND FILTERS
    6. 1.6. SOCIAL HALITOSIS, FLATULENCE, AND DANDRUFF
      1. 1.6.1. Social Halitosis
      2. 1.6.2. Social Flatulence
      3. 1.6.3. Social Dandruff
    7. 1.7. THE "DILBERT" FACTOR
    8. 1.8. CAN WE BECOME A SOCIALLY SMARTER SPECIES?
    9. 1.9. S.P.A.C.E.: THE SKILLS OF INTERACTION
    10. 1.10. Notes
  6. 2. "S" STANDS FOR SITUATIONAL AWARENESS
    1. 2.1. SITUATIONAL DUMBNESS AND NUMBNESS
    2. 2.2. BALLISTIC PODIATRY: MAKING THE WORST OF A SITUATION
    3. 2.3. READING THE SOCIAL CONTEXT
    4. 2.4. WHAT TO LOOK FOR
    5. 2.5. THE PROXEMIC CONTEXT
      1. 2.5.1. Interaction Zones
      2. 2.5.2. Subconscious Spaces
    6. 2.6. THE BEHAVIORAL CONTEXT
    7. 2.7. THE SEMANTIC CONTEXT
      1. 2.7.1. Many Meanings
      2. 2.7.2. Beyond Logic
    8. 2.8. NAVIGATING CULTURES AND SUBCULTURES
    9. 2.9. CODES OF CONDUCT: VIOLATE THE RULES AT YOUR PERIL
    10. 2.10. BUILDING THE SKILLS OF SITUATIONAL AWARENESS
    11. 2.11. Notes
  7. 3. "P" STANDS FOR PRESENCE
    1. 3.1. BEING THERE
    2. 3.2. IS CHARISMA OVER-RATED?
    3. 3.3. DO LOOKS MATTER?
    4. 3.4. READING (AND SHAPING) THE "RULES OF ENGAGEMENT"
    5. 3.5. THE UGLY AMERICAN SYNDROME
    6. 3.6. MORE OF YOU, LESS OF ME
    7. 3.7. A CASE OF ATTITUDE
    8. 3.8. BUILDING THE SKILLS OF PRESENCE
    9. 3.9. Notes
  8. 4. "A" STANDS FOR AUTHENTICITY
    1. 4.1. TAKE A TIP FROM POPEYE
    2. 4.2. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE SI NEIGHBORHOOD
    3. 4.3. THE SNAP-ON SMILE: CAN YOU FAKE SINCERITY?
    4. 4.4. LEFT-HANDED COMPLIMENTS
    5. 4.5. THE PUPPY DOG SYNDROME
    6. 4.6. NARCISSISM: IT'S REALLY ALL ABOUT ME
    7. 4.7. HEAD GAMES, POWER STRUGGLES, AND MANIPULATION
    8. 4.8. BUILDING THE SKILLS OF AUTHENTICITY
    9. 4.9. Notes
  9. 5. "C" STANDS FOR CLARITY
    1. 5.1. A WAY WITH WORDS
      1. 5.1.1. Telling About Time
    2. 5.2. HOOF-IN-MOUTH DISEASE: SOMETIMES SILENCE WORKS BEST
    3. 5.3. ROLE-SPEAK AND REAL-SPEAK
    4. 5.4. HELICOPTER LANGUAGE AND ELEVATOR SPEECHES
    5. 5.5. "CLEAN" LANGUAGE AND "DIRTY" LANGUAGE
    6. 5.6. VERBAL BLUDGEONS
    7. 5.7. TAKING A BRAIN FOR A WALK
      1. 5.7.1. Route 350
      2. 5.7.2. Dropping One Shoe
      3. 5.7.3. Telegraphing
      4. 5.7.4. Pyramid
      5. 5.7.5. Marching Plan
      6. 5.7.6. Zooming In or Out
      7. 5.7.7. Diagramming
      8. 5.7.8. Metaphors
    8. 5.8. THE POWER OF METAPHOR
    9. 5.9. E-PRIME: THE LANGUAGE OF SANITY
      1. 5.9.1. 1. Average Sentence Length = 20 Words or Less
      2. 5.9.2. 2. Avoid Jargon
      3. 5.9.3. 3. Active Voice (E-Prime, If Possible)
    10. 5.10. BUILDING THE SKILLS OF CLARITY
    11. 5.11. Notes
  10. 6. "E" STANDS FOR EMPATHY
    1. 6.1. WHAT DESTROYS EMPATHY?
    2. 6.2. WHAT BUILDS EMPATHY?
      1. 6.2.1. Attentiveness
      2. 6.2.2. Appreciation
      3. 6.2.3. Affirmation
    3. 6.3. THE PLATINUM RULE
    4. 6.4. THE IRONY OF EMPATHIC PROFESSIONS
      1. 6.4.1. The Stone-Face Syndrome
    5. 6.5. L.E.A.P.S.: EMPATHY BY DESIGN
    6. 6.6. EMPATHY IN FOUR MINUTES
    7. 6.7. BUILDING THE SKILLS OF EMPATHY
    8. 6.8. Notes
  11. 7. ASSESSING AND DEVELOPING SI
    1. 7.1. ASSESSING YOUR INTERACTION SKILLS
      1. 7.1.1. Step 1
      2. 7.1.2. Step 2
      3. 7.1.3. Step 3
      4. 7.1.4. Step 4
      5. 7.1.5. Step 5
    2. 7.2. SELF-AWARENESS: SEEING YOURSELF AS OTHERS SEE YOU
    3. 7.3. ASSESSING YOUR INTERACTION STYLE: DRIVERS, ENERGIZERS, DIPLOMATS, AND LONERS
      1. 7.3.1. Are You Drawn Toward People?
      2. 7.3.2. How Do You Get Things Done?
      3. 7.3.3. How Do You Prefer to Interact?
      4. 7.3.4. No Judgments, Please
    4. 7.4. THE STRENGTH-WEAKNESS IRONY
    5. 7.5. PRIORITIES FOR IMPROVEMENT
    6. 7.6. Notes
  12. 8. SI IN THE WORLD OF WORK: Some Reflections
    1. 8.1. THE REAL AND LEGAL CONSEQUENCES OF SOCIAL INCOMPETENCE
      1. 8.1.1. Toxic Management
    2. 8.2. CULTURES OF CONFLICT AND CRAZINESS
    3. 8.3. HIERARCHIES, TESTOSTERONE, AND GENDER POLITICS
      1. 8.3.1. Hierarchies Have Been Around a Long Time
    4. 8.4. GETTING IT RIGHT AT WORK AND WRONG AT HOME
    5. 8.5. THE DIVERSITY PUZZLE
    6. 8.6. RITUAL, CEREMONY, AND CELEBRATION
    7. 8.7. POSITIVE POLITICS: GETTING AHEAD WITH YOUR VALUE SYSTEM INTACT
    8. 8.8. Notes
  13. 9. SI IN CHARGE Thoughts on Developing Socially Intelligent Leaders
    1. 9.1. THE S.O.B FACTOR
    2. 9.2. EXECUTIVE HUBRIS: ITS COSTS AND CONSEQUENCES
    3. 9.3. BEST BOSS, WORST BOSS
    4. 9.4. P.O.W.E.R.: WHERE IT COMES FROM, HOW TO GET IT
      1. 9.4.1. How the Worst Bastards on the Planet Get and Keep Power
        1. 9.4.1.1. Phase 1: Networking.
        2. 9.4.1.2. Phase 2: Coalition Building.
        3. 9.4.1.3. Phase 3: Taking Over.
        4. 9.4.1.4. Phase 4: Unrelenting Consolidation.
    5. 9.5. THE ALGEBRA OF INFLUENCE
    6. 9.6. S.P.I.C.E.: LEADING WHEN YOU'RE NOT IN CHARGE
      1. 9.6.1. A Final Thought
    7. 9.7. Notes
  14. 10. SI AND CONFLICT: Thoughts About Getting Along
    1. 10.1. THE DOUBLE SPIRAL OF CONFLICT
    2. 10.2. WHY ARGUE?
    3. 10.3. CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS
    4. 10.4. ADDED VALUE NEGOTIATING
      1. 10.4.1. Five Steps to "Yes"
    5. 10.5. Notes
  15. EPILOGUE
    1. 10.6. SI and the Next Generation: Who's Teaching Our Kids?
    2. 10.7. OUR CHILDREN ARE NOT OUR CHILDREN
    3. 10.8. THE (ONLY) TEN BASIC NEWS STORIES
    4. 10.9. ANXIETY DRIVES ATTENTION
    5. 10.10. BREAKING THE ADDICTION TO TELEVISION
    6. 10.11. THE BUYING OF OUR BABIES
    7. 10.12. VIDEO GAMES: THE NEW SANDLOT
    8. 10.13. TEACHERS, PARENTS, OR NEITHER?
    9. 10.14. BELONGING OR BE LONGING?
    10. 10.15. THE S.P.A.C.E. SOLUTION FOR SCHOOLS
    11. 10.16. A PRESCRIPTION FOR SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE AT EVERY AGE
    12. 10.17. Notes
  16. ABOUT THE AUTHOR