Results Through Relationships: Building Trust, Performance, and Profit Through People

Chapter 6. Become an Exceptional Listener

Q:	If you don't listen to the goals of others, how can you win the highest results from them; build trust, performance, and profit; and help them reach those goals?
A:	You can't. Listening requires knowledge, selflessness, and practice.

In my experience, exceptional listening is rare, while poor listening is common. The best listeners are usually the greatest leaders, salespeople, mentors, coaches, parents, and friends. What is required to be an exceptional listener? Read on.

A decade ago, I met a 25-year-old woman named Mary Hepburn. I've never met anyone who listened to people as unconditionally and without judgment. When people spoke to her, she gave them her undivided attention. From her fully-engaged focus to the way she responded with just the right question or expression when you spoke, it was very clear that she was interested in what you were saying rather than in how a conversation might benefit her.

I have been bragging to audiences about Mary since first meeting her. People often ask me, "Why is she the best listener you've met?" They challenge my assertion saying, "I listen with empathy and without judging. I'll bet I've heard every word you've said."

At this point, I offer a very simple distinction: Mary Hepburn is deaf, but still an extraordinary listener.

Hearing is the ability to perceive sound. Listening is the execution of great communication.

When you truly listen to what someone is saying—when your head and heart are fully involved ...