Results Through Relationships: Building Trust, Performance, and Profit Through People

Chapter 3. Offer Honest and Direct Feedback

In Chapter 1, "Be a Partner Not an Order Taker," we covered some scenarios and tools on how to make that transition. But that chapter is mainly a mindset, albeit a critical one for you to take the next step. In this chapter, we will dig deep into the implementation of behaviors that anchor the idea of partnership.

How do you provide feedback to others? For most people, it's a challenge, especially when they're trying to communicate with someone in an influential position. You may have a lot to say to your boss or your customer, but don't know how to say it. You may wait weeks or even months before getting up the nerve to say what's on your mind. But then you blow it. You're so wound up that when you finally speak, it comes off as whiny, petty, vindictive, or egotistical. Your feedback is flawed, and that's why the other person becomes defensive or angry when you offer it. Rather than helping the relationship, this type of feedback hurts it.

Or you may never provide any feedback at all. While you're civil and communicate the information the other person needs, you never go beyond the superficial issues. You never tell your boss or customer your feelings about the relationship and what might be done to make it more productive. You never point out problems that might help both of you be more effective in your jobs but also may involve some difficult conversations. Consequently, the relationship never advances to the next level, even though ...