Political Dilemmas at Work: How to Maintain Your Integrity and Further Your Career

If You Can’t Tell Them “What,” at Least Give Them “Why”!

If you can’t tell people “what,” then at least give them the reason “why” they can’t know at this stage. This offers one productive step forward. Understanding why they can’t be told the full story helps them focus on the bigger picture and the potential consequences if the information was shared more widely. It can help them appreciate the difficult position you are in and help them appreciate your dilemma. It is unlikely that they will sympathize, but at least you can invite them to empathize with you. This also goes a long way in helping you avoid appearing deliberately obtuse or evasive in your dealings with them. People will accept almost any “what” if the “why” is made explicit to them; provided that the “why” seems valid.

However, when it comes to explaining the “why” rather than the “what,” more problems can be caused if people hear the story separately. Each individual hearing your statement will take away his or her own interpretation of what you said. At best, they only hear what you say selectively. They may internalize and exaggerate parts of what you said—perhaps even make some stuff up—and put it into their own words. Then, they enjoy retelling their version of what you told them to others, and this revised version of your careful statement is likely to be distorted and perhaps even unrecognizable from what you said. Victoria’s secrets are prone to distortion. ...