Artist’s statements and the innocence of trees.

Q: I’M STRUGGLING WITH WRITING AN ARTIST STATEMENT RIGHT NOW. CAN YOU GIVE ME ANY TIPS ON HOW TO WRITE ONE AND NOT SOUND LIKE A PRETENTIOUS PRICK? I’M PROUD OF MY WORK; I JUST HATE TALKING ABOUT MYSELF.

A: Artist statements are usually the biggest load of crap one can ever read. I find they range anywhere from pompous loads of crap to humorous loads of crap. There are some in MoMA in New York City that are particularly ridiculous. I remember one hanging next to a blank white canvas that talked about the innocence of trees.

Just keep it on point, and short and sweet. You aren’t reinventing the genre. You aren’t curing cancer. You aren’t offering deep and powerful statements about social injustice. ...

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