CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

WHEN FAMILY OR FRIENDS ARE AFFLICTED

All of you have had or will have family and friends afflicted with very bad health and personal issues. Sometimes illness strikes and lasts for a long time. It lingers and wears down not only the one who is ill but also numbers of people, close by blood or friendship. A long, sad journey. The bad news can also arrive with a sudden bang: a stroke, a heart attack, an accident, a suicide, or a murder. I have known all of these.

Most of us, in these situations, ache for our friends but hesitate to call because we don't want to intrude or bother anyone. Then guilt sets in. “Should I call? Or not call?” I learned a lot while my wife was undergoing treatment for lung cancer, including what to do when friends are going through difficult times. I learned that even though well-meaning people called at tough or inconvenient times, the calls meant so much to me and to my children. I will never forget the kindness of the callers.

People honestly don't know what the right thing to do may be. When Susan was first diagnosed, we received enough flowers and plants to open a small shop. “I'm not dead yet” was her reaction. Again, people mean well, but they feel helpless and try to do their best.

There are several ways to deal with this situation as a friend or as a really good acquaintance or coworker.

In the friend category, suck it up and make the phone call. It does take a gulp and an effort. But you'll be happy you did it.

If you're not ...

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