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Just Listen

Book Description

Do you ever feel like you're talking to a brick wall?

The first step in persuading anyone to do anything is getting them to hear you out. But whether the person is a cynical colleague, furious customer, or overwhelmed spouse, their emotional barriers may be blocking your message. And if you can't break through, you can't move forward.

JustListenhas helped tens of thousands of people tear down walls and establish productive communication. In this landmark book, veteran psychiatrist and business coach Mark Goulston reveals simple, proven techniques for moving people from resistance to consensus, explaining how to:

Listen effectively • Make even a total stranger—perhaps a potential client—feel "felt" • Shift an angry or aggressive person into a calmer, more receptive state • Use empathy jolts to quickly bridge communication gaps •Turn negative people into assets using the "Magic Paradox" • Achieve buy-in, the linchpin of all negotiation, persuasion, and sales • And more

Barricades between people become barriers to success and happiness, so getting through is not just a fine art—it's a crucial skill. With Just Listen, readers learn how to transform the "impossible" and "unreachable" people in their lives into true allies, loyal customers, and lifelong friends.

Table of Contents

  1. Cover
  2. Title
  3. Copyright
  4. Contents
  5. Foreword By Keith Ferrazzi
  6. Preface to the Paperback Edition
  7. Acknowledgments
  8. Section I The Secret to Reaching Anyone
    1. 1 Who’s Holding You Hostage?
      1. The Persuasion Cycle
      2. The Secret: Getting Through Is Simple
    2. 2 A Little Science: How the Brain Goes From “No” to “Yes”
      1. The Three-Part Brain
      2. Amygdala Hijack and the Death of Rational Thought
      3. Mirror Neurons
      4. From Theory to Action
  9. Section II The 9 Core Rules for Getting Through to Anyone
    1. 3 Move Yourself From “Oh F#@& to OK”
      1. Get Through to Yourself First
      2. Speed Is Everything
      3. The “Oh F#@& to OK” Process
      4. The Power of “Oh F#@&”
      5. The “Oh F#@& to OK” Speed Drill
    2. 4 Rewire Yourself to Listen
      1. “But I Do Listen! … Don’t I?”
      2. How Well Do You Know the People You Know?
    3. 5 Make The Other Person Feel “Felt”
      1. Why Does “Feeling Felt” Change People?
      2. The Steps to Making Another Person Feel “Felt”
    4. 6 Be More Interested Than Interesting
      1. The “Interesting” Jackass
      2. Don’t Just Act Interested—Be Interested
    5. 7 Make People Feel Valuable
    6. 8 Help People to Exhale Emotionally and Mentally
      1. Moving a Person Away from Distress
      2. Guiding a Person to Exhale
    7. 9 Check Your Dissonance at the Door
      1. The Perils of Corporate Dissonance
      2. When You Can’t Avoid Dissonance, Anticipate It
    8. 10 When All Seems Lost—Bare Your Neck
      1. Show Them Your Neck, and They’ll Want to Show You Theirs
    9. 11 Steer Clear of Toxic People
      1. Needy People
      2. Bullies
      3. Takers
      4. Narcissists
      5. Psychopaths
      6. Mirror Check: Who’s the Problem?
  10. Section III 12 Easy-to-Use Tools for Achieving Buy-in and Getting Through
    1. 12 The Impossibility Question
    2. 13 The Magic Paradox
      1. The Cascade of “Yes”
      2. A Trust-Gaining Move
    3. 14 The Empathy Jolt
      1. How It Works
      2. When to Employ the Empathy Jolt
      3. The Power of Analogy
    4. 15 The Reverse Play, Empathy Jolt #2
    5. 16 “Do You Really Believe That?”
    6. 17 The Power of “Hmmm… .”
    7. 18 The Stipulation Gambit
    8. 19 From Transaction to Transformation
      1. Negotiating Versus Relating
      2. What Question Would Make You Look Up?
    9. 20 Side by Side
    10. 21 Fill in the Blanks
    11. 22 Take it All The Way to “No”
    12. 23 The Power Thank You and Power Apology
      1. “Thank You” Versus the Power Thank You
      2. The Power Apology
  11. Section IV Fast Fixes for 7 Challenging Situations
    1. 24 The Team from Hell
    2. 25 Climbing the Ladder
    3. 26 The Narcissist at the Table
    4. 27 Stranger in Town
      1. The Visibility Stage
      2. The Credibility Stage
      3. The Profitability Stage
    5. 28 The Human Explosion
    6. 29 Getting Through to Yourself
    7. 30 Six Degrees of Separation
      1. Create One-on-One Situations
      2. Make Virtual Allies
      3. Reach the Gatekeepers
  12. Afterword
  13. Index
  14. About the Author
  15. Keynotes/Workshops
  16. Free Sample Chapter From Real Influence by Mark Goulston and John Ullmen