Invisible Influence: The Power to Persuade Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere

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Triggering Feelings of Inclusion

There is a place for praise and flattery. It is especially effective to use questions to indicate your praise.

“How did you become so good at doing this?”

“Why do other people seem to have such difficulty? You make that look easy; how did you get so good at this?”

By asking questions that praise the other person, you can dramatically lower defenses, allowing your suggestions to slip by any normal scrutiny and be accepted more easily and quickly.

When I was a kid, I’d tell my grandmother she looked “real nice” before we would go to church. She consistently replied, “Flattery will get you everywhere, Number One Son.”

I actually had no agenda beyond letting my grandmother know she looked nice and wanting her to feel good about knowing that she did.

Praise sails right past our usual critical faculty, causing people to come together in agreement and enhancing their willingness to comply with requests without the usual scrutiny.