28

Listen for What They’re Not Saying

Sometimes you’ll be face to face with that important person and you’ll become aware that what you wanted to influence them about is not the most important thing in their life today. Perhaps you are asking the girl for a date and she is seemingly on the fence. She can’t quite say yes or no. You get a strange sense.

You ask, “You’ve got something on your mind. What’s up?”

It’s here that you might get a response like this:

“My mom is in the hospital. She’s been real sick and I’m worried about her. I just don’t know how she’ll be doing by Friday.”

“You need someone to come by and take Sparky out so you can spend the day with your mom? We can go out any day. You need to get your mom well.”

The question you asked had nothing to do with your desire for a date and whether it would be accepted. If you have lost out at this point for some reason, so be it, but you’ve been valuable to your friend and that is likely to be viewed favorably.

Obviously these same kinds of experiences happen in business, in negotiations, and relationships of all kinds.

What they are not saying can make all the difference in the world.

Get Invisible Influence: The Power to Persuade Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere now with the O’Reilly learning platform.

O’Reilly members experience books, live events, courses curated by job role, and more from O’Reilly and nearly 200 top publishers.