How You Can Talk to Anyone in Every Situation

3

Chapter

35

Conversation basics

If the thought of having to start a conversation with strangers

makes you feel distinctly anxious, don’t worry. The chances

are that you don’t have any problem talking to your friends.

So remember that; there was a time when you didn’t know

the people that you now feel most at ease with. In fact, aside

from family every relationship you have started has been with

a stranger. It follows then that every social event is an opportu-

nity to meet people who may become friends.

So now the question is, what can you do to set yourself up to

have a good time whatever the event and what are some of the

strategies you can employ that will ensure you have the best

time possible?

First things first

We already know that one thing that marks out the most suc-

cessful communicators is that they always have an outcome in

mind. So if we apply this to ourselves it translates into a very

simple question: What do you want?

What do you want to get out of any event that you attend? When

you leave the event, how will you know you have achieved your

outcome? This can sound a bit formalised or businesslike but you

really can apply it to anything. For example:



A party – it might be just a real determination and focus on

enjoying yourself.



An office ‘do’ – speaking to at least three people from differ-

ent parts of the business.



A dinner party – deciding to find out at least one thing you

never knew about all the other guests.

HOW YOU CAN TALK TO ANYONE IN EVERY SITUATION

36



A charity event – finding out as much as you can about the

charity and the way it is organised.



A ball – dancing with at least one person that you do not know

.



A conference – making five new connections and speaking to

at least one of the speakers whose subjects most interest you.



A networking event – deciding, once you have seen the

attendance list, exactly who you want to connect with.



An external training course – learning and being on first-

name terms with three to five of the other attendees by

lunchtime on the first day.

And you don’t need to stretch yourself too far. Give yourself

something to aim for and that in itself will allow you to focus

on other people rather than on yourself and any uncertainty or

nervousness that you used to feel.

The secret to being interesting

Surprisingly, the people who are regarded as the most inter-

esting and who get invited back tend to be those who are

interested in others, not those who go on and on about them-

selves. You’ll have heard of, and probably even met, people who

could ‘bore for Britain’. Well, you never want to be seen as one

of those, do you?

So get curious about people, about their backgrounds, about

their lives, about their loves. There’s nothing that makes people

feel more flattered and want to spend more time with you. Have

you ever had that experience, where you’ve been made to feel

like the most fascinating person in the room? How did it make

you feel?

We were talking a little while ago to a friend of ours, Julie, who,

the evening before, had been to a party with her boyfriend, David.

‘What was it like?’ we asked.

‘Oh, great for David!’ was her slightly acerbic response.

‘What happened?’