How to Be a Complete and Utter Failure in Life, Work & Everything: 44 1/2 Steps to Lasting Underachievement

Table of contents

1. Copyright
   1. Dedication
2. Preface
   1. How to get the most from this guide
      1. Interactivity
      2. Diagrams
      3. Political correctness
      4. Thinking style
3. Introduction
4. One. Don’t decide what you want. If you do decide what you want, don’t think about why you want it. And if you do decide why you want it, commit to believing you can’t have it
5. Two. Don’t do things on purpose
6. Three. Don’t stop working for a living
7. Four. Don’t know what you value in life (and if you do, lose sight of it)
8. Five. Don’t spend any of your time in the future
9. Six. Don’t have any goals
10. Seven. If you do have goals, don’t put them in writing, and if you do, don’t think too big
11. Eight. Don’t plan your priorities
12. Nine. Don’t involve other people
13. Ten. Don’t have a mentor or be a mentor
14. Eleven. Don’t get advice from people you’ve never met or who are dead
15. Twelve. Don’t take action right now
16. Thirteen. Don’t get feedback on your actions
17. Fourteen. Don’t adjust
18. Fifteen. Don’t get even more feedback, don’t be flexible . . . (you get the idea)
19. Sixteen. Don’t practice continuous improvement
20. Seventeen. Don’t wear a parachute
21. Eighteen. Don’t change your beliefs
22. Nineteen. Don’t stop having a deep fear of failure and of making a fool of yourself
23. Twenty. Don’t take personal responsibility for your life and results
24. Twenty-one. Don’t stop believing in luck
25. Twenty-two. Don’t expand your comfort zone
26. Twenty-three. Don’t use inside-out thinking
27. Twenty-four. Don’t put things in before you try to take things out
28. Twenty-five. Don’t control your moods
29. Twenty-six. Don’t transform your language
30. Twenty-seven. Don’t think about the first four minutes
31. Twenty-eight. Don’t talk and think about what you want
32. Twenty-nine. Don’t go to the movies
33. Thirty. Don’t stop being an unthinking dog
    1. Permanence
    2. Pervasive
34. Thirty-one. Don’t ask, “How do you do that?” Don’t act “as if.” And don’t be naïve
35. Thirty-two. Don’t change the meaning of things
36. Thirty-three. Don’t stop thinking only about money, money, money
37. Thirty-four. Don’t have a good laugh
38. Thirty-five. Don’t be creative or innovative
39. Thirty-six. Don’t think of your own idea to go here
40. Thirty-seven. Don’t stop always taking “no” for an answer
41. Thirty-eight. Don’t be grateful
42. Thirty-nine. Don’t commit to lifelong learning
43. Forty. Don’t be a leader
44. Forty-one. Don’t learn to communicate
45. Forty-two. Don’t understand the secrets of great teams and great customer service
46. Forty-three. Don’t develop winners and winning relationships
47. Forty-four. Don’t step up. Don’t do extraordinary things
48. Forty-four-and-a-half. Don’t stop doing everything by halves, that’s if you do anything at all
49. Disclaimer
    1. Disclaimer to Step Seven
50. Answers