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How Much Is Too Much?

Book Description

Overindulgence is not the badge of a bad parent. In fact, it comes directly from having a good and generous heart. But despite our good intentions, the abundance we heap on our kids often becomes more than they need or can handle. Family and parenting experts Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson, and David Bredehoft help you to understand:

  • How damaging overindulgence can be for children
  • When you are overindulging--and how to stop
  • Which methods work best to establish firm rules and structure
  • How to instill responsibility and independence in your kids
  • What to do when family and friends are overindulging your kids
  • What grandparents can do to help

Based on new research gathered over the past ten years, How Much Is Too Much? gives you the insight and advice you need to put your children on track for a happy and successful life.

Note that this title was previously published as How Much Is Enough?

Table of Contents

  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Dedication
  5. Contents
  6. A Letter to Readers
  7. Introduction
  8. SECTION I: RECOGNIZING OVERINDULGENCE
    1. 1. What Is This Thing Called Overindulgence? Does It Really Make a Difference?
    2. 2. How Were Children Overindulged? It’s More Than Toys and Clothes
    3. 3. Is It or Isn’t It? The Test of Four—Clues to Overindulgence
    4. 4. From the Research—Fourteen Risks of Overindulging: This Is Not What Caring Adults Intended!
  9. SECTION II: TOO MUCH
    1. 5. Have Some More: The Many Ways of Giving Too Much
    2. 6. I Don’t Have Anything to Play With! When I Was Growing Up My Parents Gave Me Lots of Toys
    3. 7. I Have Nothing to Wear! When I Was Growing Up I Was Allowed to Have Any Clothes I Wanted
    4. 8. So Much to Do, So Little Time: When I Was Growing Up My Parents Overscheduled My Time
    5. 9. How Much Is Enough? I Don’t Know What “Enough” Means
  10. SECTION III: OVERNURTURE
    1. 10. What Is Nurture? All the Ways We Care
    2. 11. I’ll Do It for You: When I Was Growing Up My Parents Did Things for Me That I Should Have Done for Myself
    3. 12. Look at Me! When I Was Growing Up My Parents Gave Me Too Much Attention
    4. 13. The Little Princes and Princesses: When I Was Growing Up I Was Allowed Lots of Privileges
    5. 14. Did You Have Fun Today? When I Was Growing Up My Parents Made Sure I Was Entertained
    6. 15. The Nurture Highway: Half of the Roadway of Parenting—Six Ways of Caring for Children, Two That Are Helpful
  11. SECTION IV: SOFT STRUCTURE
    1. 16. What Is Structure? All the Ways We Keep Kids Safe
    2. 17. You Want Me to Do What? When I Was Growing Up My Parents Did Not Expect Me to Do Chores
    3. 18. I Don’t Feel Like Doing That! When I Was Growing Up I Was Not Expected to Learn the Same Skills as Other Children
    4. 19. I Don’t Need Your Rules! When I Was Growing Up My Parents Didn’t Have Rules or Didn’t Make Me Follow Them
    5. 20. Do as You Like: When I Was Growing Up My Parents Gave Me Too Much Freedom
    6. 21. Who Is in Charge Here? When I Was Growing Up My Parents Allowed Me to Take the Lead or Dominate the Family
    7. 22. The Structure Highway: The Other Half of the Roadway of Parenting—Six Ways of Structuring Children, Two That Are Helpful
    8. 23. The High Road—Combining Nurture and Structure: A Powerful Plan
  12. SECTION V: FOR THOSE WHO WERE OVERINDULGED AS CHILDREN
    1. 24. The Who and Why of Adults Who Overindulge: Forty-Two Reasons People Give In
    2. 25. I’ll Never Do That! How Having Been Overindulged Affects Parenting
    3. 26. What About Me? Risks to Adults Who Were Given Too Much
  13. SECTION VI: LIVING WITH OVERINDULGENCE AS THE NEW NORMAL
    1. 27. Hazards in the Home: Dealing with Circumstances That Can Turn Good Intentions into Overindulgence
    2. 28. Hazards on the Road: Outside Pressures to Overindulge—Consumerism, the Media, Technology, the Community, and Other People
  14. SECTION VII: THE GRANDPARENTS ARE OVERINDULGING: WHAT CAN PARENTS DO?
    1. 29. When Momma Says No, I Call 1 800 Grandma: For Parents Dealing with Grandparents Who Overindulge—The Grandparent Gene
    2. 30. From Infants to Adults: Grandparents Can Overindulge Family Members of Any Age
  15. SECTION VIII: THE PARENTS ARE OVERINDULGING: WHAT CAN GRANDPARENTS DO?
    1. 31. Grandparents Who Want to Spoil but Can’t: The Parents Beat Them to It
    2. 32. Now I’m a Grandparent, What Am I Supposed to Do? Give Me a Job Description
  16. Letter of Hope
  17. In the Therapist’s Office—A Letter of Intent
  18. Appendix A: Parental Overindulgence Assessment Tool
  19. Appendix B: The Overindulgence Research Project Study Results
  20. Appendix C: Household Jobs Participation Chart
  21. Appendix D: Ages and Stages
  22. References
  23. Recommended Reading
  24. Acknowledgments
  25. About the Authors
  26. Index