Guru's Guide to SQL Server Architecture and Internals, The

Pseudo-Techie Tactics 101How to Make Yourself Appear to Be an Expert via Newsgroup Postings

1. Answer a different question than what was asked, with lots of superfluous detail, particularly if the detail is obscure or hard to verify.

2. Avoid answering questions directly. If a poster asks a direct question such as, “Will this work?” or “Will technique x perform better than y?” avoid actually answering the question at all costs. Never give a definitive answer to a question and never make definitive statements if you can avoid it. If you are forced to make a definitive statement, keep it safe—something along the lines of, “SQL Server is a Microsoft product” or “XML stands for eXtensible Markup Language” is a good place to start.

3. Answer simple questions ...