Fixing Feedback

Chapter 3 Why don't we have the conversation?

We've seen in the first two chapters how vital it is to become remarkable communicators, and that the responsibility lies with all of us. That's not so hard to connect with in our heads, but it can be difficult to put into practice. This is why so many of us still avoid tough conversations, or make a mess of them and walk away with ‘regretitis’. Regretitis is a disease I have come across way too often — in my own life and in other people's. It makes you relive the conversation over and over again in your head, thinking about all the things you could and should have said … or not said.

Avoiding a conversation that needs to be had is like sticking your head in the sand. We tend to think that conflict is unhealthy because we find it impossible to marry candour with kindness. The good news is that there is a way.

What's stopping you from delivering or receiving remarkable feedback? Have you ever:

• told a ‘white lie’ or exaggerated or downplayed information to prove your point or get your idea over the line
• delivered feedback that was harsh and damaging (but you were ‘just being honest’)
• avoided giving well-delivered feedback that would have benefited someone else because you wanted to avoid conflict
• started or participated in gossip that could have been (or was) damaging to a colleague
• not been honest with a colleague in a meeting or conversation, in order to avoid conflict
• not received feedback well from a colleague, because you don't ...