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Five Loaves, Two Fishes and Six Chicken Nuggets by Barry Gibbons

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8. Even the big cheese must budget

What happens in America usually takes two or three years to reach England. As a Brit, it was, therefore, with a feeling of horror that I saw my first US-style stretch limo over here. It was parked in front of a four-hundred-year-old village pub, and looked like a cold sore on the face of Elizabeth Hurley. The stretch limo is universally associated with Hollywood and/or rappers and/or the trappings of corporate power in the United States, and I need to start by revealing my views on limos. Yes, I confess I have been inside several of them, but my ongoing position is that I would not willingly go in one today, even if it offered me the only escape route from a pack of wild dogs snapping at my genitals.

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