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Emotional Intelligence For Dummies®

Book Description

Take control of your emotions to achieve success in the workplace and happiness at home

Being aware of and able to control your emotions is oneof the keys to success in life, both professionally and personally. This friendly guide will help you to understand your feelings and how you can manage them, instead ofhaving them control you. Through practical, proven techniques and helpful exercises, you'll discover how you can increase your confidence, build stronger relationships with your partner, family, and colleagues, and find authentic happiness.

  • Manage your emotions — identify your feelings, determine what beliefs cause negative emotions, and stop self-destructive behaviors

  • Discover the power of empathy — read other people's emotions through facial cues and body language and show them you understand their feelings

  • Thrive at work — find a job that's right for you, overcome hassles and fears, and develop your leadership skills

  • Build and sustain meaningful relationships — discover how to take your partner's emotional temperature and manage emotions to grow closer

  • Raise an emotionally intelligent child — keep your cool with your child, coax shy children out of their shells, and get your child to be less aggressive and defiant

"I suspect Emotional Intelligence For Dummies will motivate you to adopt a broader view of what it means to be smart, and you will find yourself further developing the emotional skills that allow you to lead a more satisfying life."

Peter Salovey, PhD, Professor of Psychology, Yale University

Open the book and find:

  • The science behind emotional intelligence

  • Exercises to help you turn negative emotions positive

  • Ways to diffuse tense situations

  • How to improve your performance at work

  • Why emotionally intelligent workplaces are more productive

  • The four keys to a lasting relationship

  • What battles are worth fighting — and when to keep quiet

  • How to help your child become emotionally aware

Table of Contents

  1. Copyright
  2. About the Author
  3. Author's Acknowledgments
  4. Publisher's Acknowledgments
  5. Foreword
  6. Introduction
    1. About Emotional Intelligence For Dummies
    2. Foolish Assumptions
    3. Conventions Used in This Book
    4. What You Don't Have to Read
    5. How This Book Is Organized
      1. Part I: There's a New Kind of Intelligence in Town
      2. Part II: The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence
      3. Part III: Taking Emotional Intelligence to Work
      4. Part IV: Using Emotional Intelligence at Home
      5. Part V: The Part of Tens
    6. Icons Used in This Book
    7. Where to Go from Here
  7. I. There's a New Kind of Intelligence in Town
    1. 1. Feeling Smart
      1. 1.1. Defining Emotional Intelligence
      2. 1.2. Getting a Handle on Your Emotions
      3. 1.3. Understanding the Emotions of Others
        1. 1.3.1. Influencing a person's emotions
        2. 1.3.2. Following the Golden Rule
      4. 1.4. Applying Emotional Intelligence at Work
        1. 1.4.1. The benefits of emotional intelligence at work
        2. 1.4.2. The advantages of an emotionally intelligent workplace
      5. 1.5. Pursuing Successful Family Interactions
    2. 2. Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence
      1. 2.1. Measuring Emotional Intelligence
      2. 2.2. Feeling, Thinking, and Behaving Like an Emotionally Intelligent Person
        1. 2.2.1. Feeling like an emotionally intelligent person
        2. 2.2.2. Thinking like an emotionally intelligent person
        3. 2.2.3. Behaving like an emotionally intelligent person
      3. 2.3. Recognizing an Emotionally Unintelligent Person
    3. 3. Finding Happiness
      1. 3.1. Defining Happiness
        1. 3.1.1. Understanding the benefits of being happy
        2. 3.1.2. Changing your emotions
        3. 3.1.3. Addressing problems with optimism
        4. 3.1.4. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses
      2. 3.2. Finding Authentic Happiness
  8. II. The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence
    1. 4. Investigating the Science Behind Emotional Intelligence
      1. 4.1. Understanding the Difference between Emotional Intelligence and IQ
      2. 4.2. Knowing How Your Emotions Affect You
      3. 4.3. Making the Case for Emotional Intelligence
        1. 4.3.1. Understanding how EQ tests work
          1. 4.3.1.1. The EQ-i
          2. 4.3.1.2. The EQ-360
          3. 4.3.1.3. The MSCEIT
        2. 4.3.2. Understanding how EQ tests work compared to personality tests
      4. 4.4. Differentiating Personality from Emotional Skills
        1. 4.4.1. Tracking personality across the life span
        2. 4.4.2. Changing your emotional intelligence
    2. 5. Becoming More Aware of Your Emotions
      1. 5.1. Defining Feelings
      2. 5.2. Identifying Your Emotions
      3. 5.3. Digging Deeper into Your Emotions
        1. 5.3.1. Interpreting behaviors
        2. 5.3.2. Examining self-destructive behaviors
        3. 5.3.3. Understanding body language
          1. 5.3.3.1. Identifying anger
          2. 5.3.3.2. Recognizing fear or anxiety
          3. 5.3.3.3. Sensing sadness
          4. 5.3.3.4. Seeing embarrassment
          5. 5.3.3.5. Spotting surprise
          6. 5.3.3.6. Knowing happiness
        4. 5.3.4. Reading your emotions through other people
      4. 5.4. Changing Negative Emotions
        1. 5.4.1. Recognizing negative emotions
        2. 5.4.2. Using the ABCDE theory of emotions
    3. 6. Managing Your Emotions
      1. 6.1. Okay, I Feel Sad, Mad, or Bad — Now What?
        1. 6.1.1. Using cognitive restructuring
        2. 6.1.2. Methods of distraction
        3. 6.1.3. Relaxation, meditation, and similar activities
          1. 6.1.3.1. Progressive relaxation
          2. 6.1.3.2. Diaphragmatic or belly breathing
          3. 6.1.3.3. Acupressure
          4. 6.1.3.4. Purposeful distraction
        4. 6.1.4. How mindfulness works
      2. 6.2. Working Your Way Out of a Bad Situation
        1. 6.2.1. Short-term approaches
        2. 6.2.2. Long-term solutions
      3. 6.3. Changing Your Emotions for the Better
        1. 6.3.1. Recognizing the importance of practice
        2. 6.3.2. Developing a positive psychology
    4. 7. Understanding Empathy
      1. 7.1. Knowing the Difference between Empathy and Sympathy
        1. 7.1.1. Beginning with you, not I
        2. 7.1.2. Knowing why the difference is important
      2. 7.2. Reading Other People's Emotions
        1. 7.2.1. Walking in the other person's moccasins
        2. 7.2.2. Starting with what they say
        3. 7.2.3. Understanding what their faces tell you
        4. 7.2.4. Decoding body language
      3. 7.3. Showing People You Understand Their Feelings
        1. 7.3.1. Checking in
        2. 7.3.2. Getting confirmation
      4. 7.4. Exploring Situations in Which Empathy Can Really Help You
        1. 7.4.1. Strengthening intimate relationships
        2. 7.4.2. Understanding friends and relatives
        3. 7.4.3. Dealing with tense situations that involve strangers
    5. 8. Managing Other People's Emotions
      1. 8.1. Changing How You React to Others
        1. 8.1.1. Being aware of your gut reaction
        2. 8.1.2. Working through alternative responses
      2. 8.2. Managing Other People's Emotions
        1. 8.2.1. Identifying where other people are coming from
        2. 8.2.2. Establishing a realistic alternative behavior
        3. 8.2.3. Getting a person to want to change
      3. 8.3. Encountering Obnoxious People
        1. 8.3.1. Determining your best outcome with a difficult person
        2. 8.3.2. Developing techniques for dealing with difficult people
      4. 8.4. Dealing with Difficult Friends and Relatives
        1. 8.4.1. Start with the endgame
        2. 8.4.2. Getting to the relationship you want
  9. III. Taking Emotional Intelligence to Work
    1. 9. Dealing with Difficult Workplace Situations
      1. 9.1. Having Feelings at Work?
        1. 9.1.1. Getting in touch with your feelings at work
        2. 9.1.2. Getting control of your emotions
      2. 9.2. Exploring Situations That Bring Out Your Worst at Work
        1. 9.2.1. Tackling hassles
        2. 9.2.2. Coping with fears
      3. 9.3. Exploring Situations That Bring Out Your Best at Work
      4. 9.4. Managing the Emotions of Others at Work
    2. 10. Succeeding Through Emotional Intelligence
      1. 10.1. Finding the Right Job
        1. 10.1.1. Testing interests, personality, and intelligence
          1. 10.1.1.1. Vocational interest tests
          2. 10.1.1.2. Personality tests
          3. 10.1.1.3. Cognitive intelligence, or IQ (intelligence quotient)
          4. 10.1.1.4. Aptitude or skills tests
        2. 10.1.2. What EQ can add to the job equation
      2. 10.2. Assessing Your Work Life
        1. 10.2.1. Understanding that you are what you feel
        2. 10.2.2. Knowing whether your job feels right
        3. 10.2.3. Getting a feel for what you do best
      3. 10.3. Improving Your Performance When Working with People
        1. 10.3.1. Knowing whether you're a people person
        2. 10.3.2. Dealing effectively with people at work
      4. 10.4. Improving Your Performance When Working Alone
        1. 10.4.1. Knowing whether you prefer to work alone
        2. 10.4.2. Getting better at working alone
          1. 10.4.2.1. Communicating well with others
          2. 10.4.2.2. Motivating yourself
      5. 10.5. Influencing People at Work
        1. 10.5.1. Using empathy to make your sale
        2. 10.5.2. Understanding assertiveness
      6. 10.6. Becoming a Better Team Player
        1. 10.6.1. Understanding work teams
        2. 10.6.2. Fitting in on a team
        3. 10.6.3. Helping your teammates
    3. 11. Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Leader
      1. 11.1. Getting Others to Do Things at Work
        1. 11.1.1. Deciding whether you want to be a manager
        2. 11.1.2. Getting someone to listen to you
        3. 11.1.3. Eliciting cooperative behavior from others
      2. 11.2. Leading Other People
        1. 11.2.1. Defining an effective workplace leader
          1. 11.2.1.1. Being centered and grounded
          2. 11.2.1.2. Having the ability to take action
          3. 11.2.1.3. Using a participative management style
          4. 11.2.1.4. Being tough-minded
        2. 11.2.2. Knowing your leadership skills
        3. 11.2.3. Knowing your leadership weaknesses
        4. 11.2.4. Knowing whether you're fit to be a workplace leader
        5. 11.2.5. Rising to the occasion of good leadership
    4. 12. Creating an Emotionally Intelligent Workplace
      1. 12.1. Defining the Emotionally Intelligent Workplace
        1. 12.1.1. Looking at the typical workplace
        2. 12.1.2. Looking at an emotionally intelligent workplace
      2. 12.2. Determining Whether Your Workplace Is Emotionally Intelligent
        1. 12.2.1. Documenting your workplace strengths
        2. 12.2.2. Cataloging areas for improvement
          1. 12.2.2.1. Experiencing problems with the work itself
          2. 12.2.2.2. Lacking resources to do the work
          3. 12.2.2.3. Having problems with the people at work
        3. 12.2.3. Knowing whether your workplace is emotionally intelligent
      3. 12.3. Managing the Work-Life Balancing Act
        1. 12.3.1. Knowing your values
        2. 12.3.2. Looking at your work time
        3. 12.3.3. Looking at your life time
        4. 12.3.4. How you can balance work and life
      4. 12.4. Creating Emotionally Intelligent Teams
        1. 12.4.1. Defining a work team
        2. 12.4.2. Understanding what makes teams work
        3. 12.4.3. Increasing the emotional intelligence of your teams
      5. 12.5. Making Your Workplace More Emotionally Intelligent
        1. 12.5.1. Starting with you
        2. 12.5.2. Influencing your co-workers
        3. 12.5.3. Managing your manager
        4. 12.5.4. Taking it to the top
    5. 13. Getting Through College with Emotional Intelligence
      1. 13.1. Why So Many Students Don't Make It Through the First Year of College
        1. 13.1.1. Looking at school grades and SATs
        2. 13.1.2. We're not in Kansas anymore: Welcome to college
        3. 13.1.3. Problems that first-year students encounter
        4. 13.1.4. Preparing to deal with emotional and social issues
      2. 13.2. Warning Signs of College Derailment
        1. 13.2.1. Adjusting to the first year of college
        2. 13.2.2. How to know when your first year isn't going well
      3. 13.3. Suggestions to Get Back On Track
        1. 13.3.1. Identifying possible problems
        2. 13.3.2. Taking stock of your resources
        3. 13.3.3. Getting into action mode
      4. 13.4. Knowing Your Long-Term Objectives
        1. 13.4.1. Cataloging strengths
        2. 13.4.2. Identifying your strengths and weaknesses
        3. 13.4.3. Setting long-term goals
        4. 13.4.4. Achieving long-term goals
  10. IV. Using Emotional Intelligence at Home
    1. 14. Creating Emotionally Intelligent Relationships
      1. 14.1. Assessing Your Intimate Relationship
        1. 14.1.1. Understanding why emotional intelligence matters in a relationship
        2. 14.1.2. Rating your relationship
      2. 14.2. Understanding How Your Emotions Affect the Relationship
        1. 14.2.1. Emotions: The glue of relationships
        2. 14.2.2. How emotions help you grow together
        3. 14.2.3. Why emotions sometimes grow apart
      3. 14.3. Understanding and Managing Your Partner's Emotions
        1. 14.3.1. Taking your partner's emotional temperature
        2. 14.3.2. Knowing where to start managing your partner's emotions
        3. 14.3.3. Pushing the limit of managing your partner's emotions
        4. 14.3.4. Using Your Emotional Skills in Your Relationship
        5. 14.3.5. Taking your own emotional temperature
        6. 14.3.6. Knowing what battles are worth fighting
        7. 14.3.7. Knowing when to hold your tongue
        8. 14.3.8. Using empathy to enhance your relationship
      4. 14.4. Building Emotionally Healthy Social Relationships
        1. 14.4.1. Using your emotional skills in social relationships
        2. 14.4.2. Finding the right balance of emotional and social skills
    2. 15. Parenting with Emotional Intelligence
      1. 15.1. How Intelligent People Become Emotionally Unintelligent Parents
        1. 15.1.1. What they didn't teach you about kids
        2. 15.1.2. Managing your own emotions
      2. 15.2. Understanding Where Your Partner Is Coming From
        1. 15.2.1. Working as a team
        2. 15.2.2. Managing each other's emotions
      3. 15.3. Keeping Your Cool with Your Child
      4. 15.4. Using Your Emotional Skills to Manage Your Child
        1. 15.4.1. Managing your impulse control
        2. 15.4.2. Using empathy as a guide
        3. 15.4.3. Problem-solving your way through crises
      5. 15.5. Getting a Grip When Dealing with Your Teenager
        1. 15.5.1. What you should know about flexibility
        2. 15.5.2. Where stress management comes in handy
          1. 15.5.2.1. Stressful thoughts
          2. 15.5.2.2. Distraction
      6. 15.6. Managing the Rollercoaster Teenage Years
        1. 15.6.1. Keeping self-regard on an even keel
        2. 15.6.2. Gauging your teenager's interpersonal skills
        3. 15.6.3. Showing your teenager social responsibility
    3. 16. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
      1. 16.1. Understanding Your Child
        1. 16.1.1. Modeling empathy early
        2. 16.1.2. Reading your child's moods
      2. 16.2. Helping Your Child Become More Aware of His Emotions
        1. 16.2.1. Using exercises in self-awareness
        2. 16.2.2. Connecting emotions and consequences
      3. 16.3. Managing Your Child's Withdrawn Behaviors
        1. 16.3.1. Why some children are shy
        2. 16.3.2. Bringing your child out of her shell
      4. 16.4. Managing Your Child's Overactive or Aggressive Behaviors
        1. 16.4.1. The ADHD epidemic
      5. 16.5. Knowing whether your child has ADHD
        1. 16.5.1. Why so many children behave aggressively
        2. 16.5.2. How to tell whether your child is too aggressive
        3. 16.5.3. The importance of callous and unemotional characteristics
        4. 16.5.4. Getting your child to be less oppositional and defiant
      6. 16.6. Making Your Teenager More Aware of Emotional Intelligence
        1. 16.6.1. Talking to your teen about emotions
        2. 16.6.2. Getting your teenager to read books such as this one
      7. 16.7. Helping Your Teenager Become More Emotionally Intelligent
        1. 16.7.1. Putting theory into practice
        2. 16.7.2. Letting them discover their own emotional intelligence
  11. V. The Part of Tens
    1. 17. Ten Ways to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
      1. 17.1. Become More Self-Aware
      2. 17.2. Express Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Beliefs
      3. 17.3. Discover Your Inner Passions
      4. 17.4. Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses
      5. 17.5. Walk in the Other Person's Moccasins
      6. 17.6. Manage Another Person's Emotions
      7. 17.7. Be Socially Responsible
      8. 17.8. Manage Your Own Impulses
      9. 17.9. Be More Flexible
      10. 17.10. Be Happy
    2. 18. Ten Ways to Help Difficult People with Their Emotional Intelligence
      1. 18.1. Taking the Indirect Approach
      2. 18.2. Having a Talk
      3. 18.3. Knowing Whether You've Been Heard
      4. 18.4. Gauging the Intention to Change
      5. 18.5. Giving Feedback
      6. 18.6. Providing Strategies
      7. 18.7. Checking Progress
      8. 18.8. Exploring the Effect of Poor Behavior
      9. 18.9. Explaining in Different Ways
      10. 18.10. Selling on Benefits
    3. 19. Ten Ways to Make the World a More Emotionally Intelligent Place
      1. 19.1. Caring for Others
      2. 19.2. Focusing on Other People
      3. 19.3. Working on Yourself
      4. 19.4. Helping Your Family
      5. 19.5. Giving Back to Your Community
      6. 19.6. Improving Your Workplace
      7. 19.7. Bringing Back Civility
      8. 19.8. Reducing Hate
      9. 19.9. Taking Up a Cause for Your Country
      10. 19.10. Changing Your World
  12. A. Resources for Emotional and Social Intelligence
    1. A.1. Books
    2. A.2. Web Sites and Other Resources