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Effective Apology

Book Description

There’s nothing easy about apology. The news is filled with examples of leaders apologizing, needing to apologize, or failing miserably at the attempt. And certainly we all have occasion to apologize ourselves—maybe more often than we realize. But we don’t need more apologies, says John Kador—we need better ones. Too many people just go through the motions, missing out on the power of apology to restore strained relationships, create possibilities for growth, and generate better outcomes for all. Effective Apology challenges you to think about the fundamental value and importance of apology as it delivers detailed advice for making an apology that truly heals and renews. Kador explores the Five Rs of apology: Recognize the wrong and the person harmed; accept moral Responsibility for your actions; express Remorse; provide meaningful Restitution; and offer assurance that the offense will not be Repeated. Making apology work in the real world—when and how to apologize, in what medium, and how to make it stick—is made clear through over seventy examples of good and bad apologies drawn from the news, popular culture, and the experiences of Kador, his clients, and his friends. The willingness to apologize signals strength, character, and integrity. Effective leadership is impossible without effective apology. John Kador shows how to craft and deliver a confident apology that will defuse resentment, reduce litigation, create goodwill, and transform a relationship ruptured by mistrust and disappointment into something stronger and more durable than it ever was before.

Table of Contents

  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright Page
  4. introduction: apology is the first resort
    1. Perfect Response to Imperfection
    2. Who Should Read This Book?
    3. Three Questions for the Reader
    4. How This Book Is Organized
    5. Effective Apology
  5. PART I: PRACTICING APOLOGY
    1. CHAPTER 1: the age of apology
      1. What Is Apology?
      2. Apology on the Rise
      3. Test Your Apology Quotient
      4. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    2. CHAPTER 2: why we apologize and what it accomplishes
      1. The Essential Role of Apology
      2. Benefits to the Offended Party
      3. Benefits to the Apologizer
      4. Want Better Performance? Say You’re Sorry
      5. The Economics of Apology
      6. Apology Is Difficult
      7. Stepping Out of Resentment
      8. KEY TAKEAWAYS
  6. PART II: THE FIVE DIMENSIONS OF EFFECTIVE APOLOGY
    1. CHAPTER 3: recognition
      1. Recognition Requirements
      2. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    2. CHAPTER 4: responsibility
      1. KEY TAKEWAYS
    3. CHAPTER 5: remorse
      1. Regretting an Action You Would Nevertheless Repeat
      2. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    4. CHAPTER 6: restitution
      1. The Three Requirements of Restitution
      2. Restitution Without Dollars
      3. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    5. CHAPTER 7: repetition
      1. Repetition in Action
      2. KEY TAKEAWAYS
      3. A Quick Review of the Five Rs
  7. PART III: APOLOGIZE FOR RESULTS
    1. CHAPTER 8: when, where, and how to apologize
      1. When to Apologize
      2. Where to Apologize
      3. How to Apologize
      4. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    2. CHAPTER 9: how to accept (and reject) an apology
      1. Lowering the Stakes
      2. Accepting an Apology
      3. Reciprocate If You Have Something to Apologize For
      4. Accept the Apology and Terminate the Relationship
      5. What If I Wasn’t Offended?
      6. I’m Not Over It Yet
      7. Alternatives to Rejecting an Apology
      8. How to Reject an Apology
      9. A Moral Act
      10. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    3. CHAPTER 10: apology and forgiveness
      1. How Do I Ask for Forgiveness?
      2. Forgiveness Without Apology
      3. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    4. CHAPTER 11: obstacles to wholehearted apology
      1. Wholehearted Apology
      2. Halfhearted Apology
      3. Non-Apology
      4. The Limits of “I’m Sorry”
      5. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    5. CHAPTER 12: the best apology possible: ten apology do’s and don’ts
      1. 1. Don’t Include Ifs or Buts
      2. 2. Don’t Be Passive, Be Active
      3. 3. Don’t Joke
      4. 4. Don’t Assume
      5. 5. Don’t Ask, “What Can I Do to
      6. 6. Take Turns
      7. 7. Begin the Apology with “I”
      8. 8. Use the Recipient’s Name
      9. 9. Don’t Ramble
      10. 10. Don’t Argue
      11. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    6. CHAPTER 13: talking about apology: frequently asked questions
      1. The Author’s Answer to the Poetry Festival Question
    7. CHAPTER 14: what can I do now? five apology practices
      1. Five Apology Tools and Techniques
      2. Concluding Story
      3. Final Thoughts on Apology
      4. KEY TAKEAWAYS
  8. notes
  9. acknowledgments
  10. apology examples by category
    1. Business
    2. Personal
    3. Political
    4. Popular Culture
    5. Sports
  11. index
  12. about the author
  13. About Berrett-Koehler Publishers
  14. Be Connected