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Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst

Book Description

With their 1994 international bestseller, Dealing with People You Can't Stand, Drs. Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner armed a civility-starved world with no-nonsense strategies for dealing with difficult people with tact and skill. Since then, cell phones, the Internet, voice mail, and other technological wonders designed to bring people closer together have only made it that much harder to avoid "people you can't stand;" even worse, they've also created exciting new ways for annoying people to realize their talent for being pains in the butt.

Updated and revised for the digital age, this new edition of Brinkman and Kirschner's bestselling guide shows readers how to successfully combat the whiners, grenades, tanks, snipers, close-talkers, pedants, and other rude, crude, and inconsiderate people who can ruin your day at work, in stores, on the street, in restaurants, at the movies, in waiting rooms, by fax, phone, and E-mail, and in cyberspace.

Table of Contents

  1. Cover
  2. Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst
  3. Copyright Page
  4. Dedication Page
  5. Contents
  6. Acknowledgments
  7. Introduction
  8. Part 1. Getting to Know the People You Can’t Stand
    1. 1. The 10 Most Unwanted List
    2. Ten specific behaviors that represent people at their worst! The Tank
    3. The Sniper
    4. The Grenade
    5. The Know-It-All
    6. The Think-They-Know-It-All
    7. The Yes Person
    8. The Maybe Person
    9. The Nothing Person
    10. The No Person
    11. The Whiner
    12. 2 The Lens of Understanding
    13. A magnifying glass on behaviors reveals the motives behind them.
    14. Get the Task Done
    15. Get the Task Right
    16. Get Along with People
    17. Get Appreciation from People It’s a Question of Balance
    18. It’s a Question of Balance
    19. As Intent Changes, So Does Behavior
    20. You Can Hear Where People Are Coming From
    21. Shared Priorities, No Problem
    22. What Happens When the Intent Isn’t Fulfilled?
    23. 3. The Road to Hell Is Paved with Good Intentions
    24. Threatened Intent to Get Along with Others
    25. Threatened Intent to Get Appreciated by People
    26. To Summarize
  9. Part 2. Surviving through Skillful Communication
    1. 4. From Conflict to Cooperation
    2. Two Essential Skills: Blending and Redirecting
    3. Blend Nonverbally with Body and Facial Expressions
    4. Blend Vocally with Volume and Speed
    5. 5. Listen to Understand
    6. People Want to Be Heard and Understood
    7. 6. Reach a Deeper Understanding
    8. Identify Positive Intent
    9. Identify Highly Valued Criteria
    10. 7. Speak to Be Understood
    11. Monitor Your Tone of Voice
    12. State Your Positive Intent
    13. Tactfully Interrupt Interruptions
    14. Tell Your Truth
    15. Stay Flexible
    16. 8. Get What You Project and Expect
    17. Pygmalion Power
    18. Assume the Best, Give the Benefit of the Doubt
    19. Appreciate Criticism
  10. Part 3. Bringing Out the Best in People at Their Worst
    1. 9. The Tank
    2. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    3. Your Goal: Command Respect
    4. Action Plan
    5. What If the Tank’s Accusations Are True, and You Are in the Wrong?
    6. Great Moments in Difficult People History
    7. 10. The Sniper
    8. This covert operator identifies your weaknesses and uses
    9. Friendly Fire
    10. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    11. Your Goal: Bring the Sniper Out of Hiding
    12. Action Plan
    13. Special Situation: Friendly Fire
    14. Special Situation: Third Party Sniping
    15. Great Moments in Difficult People History
    16. 11. The Know-It-All
    17. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    18. Your Goal: Open Their Minds to New Ideas
    19. Action Plan Great Moments in Difficult People History
    20. 12. The Think-They-Know-It-All
    21. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    22. Your Goal: Give Their Bad Ideas the Hook
    23. Action Plan
    24. Great Moments in Difficult People History
    25. 13. The Grenade
    26. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    27. Your Goal: Take Control of the Situation
    28. Action Plan
    29. Great Moments in Difficult People History
    30. 14. The Yes Person
    31. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    32. Your Goal: Get Commitments You Can Count On
    33. Action Plan
    34. Great Moments in Difficult People History
    35. 15. The Maybe Person
    36. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    37. Your Goal: Help Them Learn to Think Decisively
    38. Action Plan
    39. Great Moments in Difficult People History
    40. 16. The Nothing Person
    41. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    42. Your Goal: Persuade the Nothing Person to Talk
    43. Action Plan
    44. Great Moments in Difficult People History
    45. 17. The No Person
    46. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    47. Your Goal: Transition to Problem Solving
    48. Action Plan
    49. Great Moments in Difficult People History
    50. 18. The Whiner
    51. You Better Adjust Your Attitude
    52. Your Goal: Form a Problem-Solving Alliance
    53. Action Plan
    54. Great Moments in Difficult People History
    55. 19. What If People Can’t Stand You?
    56. Find the answer in this exchange of letters.
    57. 1. What If You Are the Tank?
    58. 2. What If You Are the Sniper?
    59. 3. What If You Are the Know-It-All?
    60. 4. What If You Are the Think-They-Know-It-All?
    61. 5. What If You Are the Grenade?
    62. 6. What If You Are the Yes Person?
    63. 7. What If You Are the Maybe Person?
    64. 8. What If You Are the Nothing Person?
    65. 9. What If You Are the No Person?
    66. 10. What If You Are the Whiner?
  11. Part 4. Communication in a Digital Age
    1. 20. Communication and the Challenge of Technology
    2. The “Numbers of Meaning”
    3. Something Lost, Something Gained
    4. 21. The Eight Ounces of Prevention in Phone Communication
    5. 1. Shape Perceptions
    6. 2. Use Your Body for Tone Control
    7. 3. Breathe for Your Life
    8. 4. Chart a Course
    9. 5. Know When to Hold ’Em, and When to Fold ’Em
    10. 6. Send Listening Signals!
    11. 7. Sound Prepared, Even When You’re Not
    12. 8. You Can Close Your Eyes
    13. 22. The Eight Ounces of Prevention in E-Mail Communication
    14. Use the Advantage of Time
    15. 1. Vent It but Don’t Send It 2. Read It One More Time
    16. 3. Read It at Another Time
    17. 4. Get a Second Opinion
    18. 5. Begin with Intention, End with Direction
    19. 6. Quote Early, Quote Often
    20. 7. Make Better Sense with Emoticons
    21. 8. Use Jokes Carefully—Jokester Beware
    22. Take the Time, Save Your Time
  12. Afterword
    1. How to take the big step of applying the little steps in this book.
  13. Appendix: How to Change Your Attitude
    1. Changing Your Reactions
    2. Changing Your Perspective
    3. Changing the Way You Talk to Yourself
  14. Footnotes
    1. Introduction
      1. ch03_fn01
    2. Chapter 3
      1. ch03_fn01
      2. ch03_fn02
    3. Chapter 12
      1. ch12_fn01
    4. Chapter 20
    5. ch20_fn01
    6. Chapter 22
    7. ch22_fn01