You are previewing Crucial Conversations.

Crucial Conversations

Cover of Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson... Published by McGraw-Hill
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Contents
  5. Foreword to the Second Edition
  6. Foreword to the First Edition
  7. Preface
  8. Acknowledgments
  9. 1 What’s a Crucial Conversation?: And Who Cares?
    1. HOW DO WE TYPICALLY HANDLE CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS?
    2. OUR AUDACIOUS CLAIM
    3. SUMMARY
  10. 2 Mastering Crucial Conversations: The Power of Dialogue
    1. DIALOGUE
    2. DIALOGUE SKILLS ARE LEARNABLE
    3. HERE’S WHERE WE’RE GOING
  11. 3 Start with Heart: How to Stay Focused on What You Really Want
    1. WORK ON ME FIRST, US SECOND
    2. DON’T LOOK AT ME!
    3. START WITH HEART
    4. A MOMENT OF TRUTH
    5. FIRST, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
    6. SECOND, REFUSE THE FOOL’S CHOICE
    7. IS THIS REALLY POSSIBLE?
    8. SUMMARY—START WITH HEART
  12. 4 Learn to Look: How to Notice When Safety Is at Risk
    1. WATCH FOR CONDITIONS
    2. SUMMARY—LEARN TO LOOK
  13. 5 Make It Safe: How to Make It Safe to Talk About Almost Anything
    1. STEP OUT. MAKE IT SAFE. THEN STEP BACK IN
    2. NOTICE WHICH CONDITION IS AT RISK
    3. WHAT TO DO ONCE YOU STEP OUT
    4. BACK TO YVONNE AND JOTHAM
    5. BUT I COULD NEVER DO THAT!
    6. SUMMARY—MAKE IT SAFE
  14. 6 Master My Stories: How to Stay in Dialogue When You’re Angry, Scared, or Hurt
    1. HE MADE ME MAD!
    2. EMOTIONS DON’T JUST HAPPEN
    3. MARIA’S STORY
    4. OUR STORIES
    5. SKILLS FOR MASTERING OUR STORIES
    6. MARIA’S NEW STORY
    7. SUMMARY—MASTER MY STORIES
  15. 7 STATE My Path: How to Speak Persuasively, Not Abrasively
    1. SHARE RISKY MEANING
    2. MAINTAIN SAFETY
    3. STATE MY PATH
    4. THE “WHAT” SKILLS
    5. THE “HOW” SKILLS
    6. BACK TO THE MOTEL
    7. STRONG BELIEF
    8. SUMMARY—STATE MY PATH
  16. 8 Explore Others’ Paths: How to Listen When Others Blow Up or Clam Up
    1. EXPLORE OTHERS’ PATHS
    2. EXPLORING WENDY’S PATH
    3. REMEMBER YOUR ABCS
    4. SUMMARY—EXPLORE OTHERS’ PATHS
  17. 9 Move to Action: How to Turn Crucial Conversations into Action and Results
    1. DIALOGUE IS NOT DECISION MAKING
    2. DECIDE HOW TO DECIDE
    3. HOW TO CHOOSE
    4. MAKE ASSIGNMENTS—PUT DECISIONS INTO ACTION
    5. DOCUMENT YOUR WORK
    6. SUMMARY—MOVE TO ACTION
  18. 10 Yeah, But: Advice for Tough Cases
    1. SEXUAL OR OTHER HARASSMENT
    2. MY OVERLY SENSITIVE SPOUSE
    3. FAILURE TO LIVE UP TO AGREEMENTS
    4. DEFERENCE TO AUTHORITY
    5. FAILED TRUST
    6. WON’T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING SERIOUS
    7. VAGUE BUT ANNOYING
    8. SHOWS NO INITIATIVE
    9. SHOWS A PATTERN
    10. I NEED TIME TO CALM DOWN!
    11. ENDLESS EXCUSES
    12. INSUBORDINATION (OR OVER-THE-LINE DISRESPECT)
    13. REGRETTING SAYING SOMETHING HORRIBLE
    14. TOUCHY AND PERSONAL
    15. WORD GAMES
    16. NO WARNING
    17. DEALING WITH SOMEONE WHO BREAKS ALL THE RULES
  19. 11 Putting It All Together: Tools for Preparing and Learning
    1. TWO LEVERS
    2. HOW TO PREPARE FOR A CRUCIAL CONVERSATION
    3. CONCLUSION—IT’S NOT ABOUT COMMUNICATION, IT’S ABOUT RESULTS
  20. Afterword What I’ve Learned About Crucial Conversations in the Past Ten Years
    1. AL
    2. JOSEPH
    3. KERRY
    4. RON
  21. Endnotes
    1. CHAPTER 1
    2. CHAPTER 2
    3. CHAPTER 6
  22. Index
  23. About the Authors
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NOTICE WHICH CONDITION IS AT RISK

Now, let’s look at what Yvonne just did to establish safety—even though the topic was high risk, controversial, and emotional. She realized that the first step to building safety comes with understanding which of two different conditions of safety is at risk. Each requires a different solution.

Mutual Purpose—the Entrance Condition

Why Talk in the First Place?

Remember the last time someone gave you difficult feedback and you didn’t become defensive? Say a friend said some things to you that most people might get upset over. In order for this person to be able to deliver the delicate message, you must have believed he or she cared about you or about your goals and objectives. That means you trusted his or her ...

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