Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition, 2nd Edition

SUMMARY—START WITH HEART

Here’s how people who are skilled at dialogue stay focused on their goals—particularly when the going gets tough.

Work on Me First, Us Second

• Remember that the only person you can directly control is yourself.

Focus on What You Really Want

• When you find yourself moving toward silence or violence, stop and pay attention to your motives.

• Ask yourself: “What does my behavior tell me about what my motives are?”

• Then, clarify what you really want. Ask yourself: “What do I want for myself? For others? For the relationship?”

• And finally, ask: “How would I behave if this were what I really wanted?”

Refuse the Fool’s Choice

• As you consider what you want, notice when you start talking yourself into a Fool’s Choice. ...