Brilliant Influence

CHAPTER 8

How to

negotiate to

share benefits

W

hy do so many businesses give away advice, in the

form of booklets, newsletters and articles on the

internet?

You already know that these give-aways are influential because,

as well as carrying their sponsor’s brand (familiarity breeds like-

ableness), they establish the company’s credibility too. But there

is another powerful influencing technique they are using: the

“I’ve-scratched-your-back-now-you-scratch-mine” principle. It

works for chimpanzees and it works for people too.

This chapter is about the give and take of sharing benefits. In the

first section, reciprocation, you will see why this give and take

is so powerful and how to use it to build your influence. In the

second section, negotiation, you will get a brief introduction to

the process of negotiating, which is really just a search for a give

and take that satisfies everyone.

Reciprocation

A sense of fairness drives many people. As an influencer, you

have to remember that it will be hard to get anybody to agree to

something that they do not see as fair.

150 brilliant influence

A sense of fairness can help you to influence others. Our sense

of equity means that if you offer

something freely, then people will

recognise that, and be keen to return

the favour.

Give and take

Give and take can operate at three levels and, whilst all levels

work equally well, they are increasingly subtle, and therefore

increasingly powerful as tools of influence.

Gifts

Have you ever been to a Christmas party or something similar

where you and your friends routinely exchange gifts? When it

comes to the time for exchange, you open the first gift from one

friend and realise that they have spent considerably more money

than you did. Your gift to them is a token, yet you find that they

have clearly given you something of substance. How do you feel?

Most people will find this very uncomfortable and would wish

they had spent more. There are some people who record the gifts

that they are given by friends, to ensure that the gifts they return

are proportionate and ensure the balance is maintained.

brilliant

insight

Equity theory

John Stacey Adams suggested that people need to feel they are getting

what is fair from a relationship. If they believe that they are getting too

little, they will feel resentment, anger or humiliation. If they believe that

they are getting too much, they will feel greedy, guilty or ashamed. In

either case, they will try to remove the unpleasant feelings by restoring

balance. Adams referred to this as “equity theory”.

a sense of fairness can

help you to influence

others.