Brilliant Influence

CHAPTER 2

Appearance

matters:

how to look

influential

L

ike it or not, we all influence each other by just being who

we are. First impressions are a powerful start to this process,

so we will start this chapter with why this is true and how

to manage your first impression. You will also learn about three

other powerful principles:

 the “I’m-gorgeous-fly-me” principle

 the “your-doctor-would-tell-you-to” principle

 the “let-me-introduce-you-to-my-friend” principle.

We will close the chapter by looking at how all this comes

together to give some people “presence”.

First impressions

The “one-chance-to-make-a-first-impression” principle is

unfort unate for the unprepared. However, if you know how

important it is, you can harness it to give you instant influence

over the people you meet.

Why first impressions matter

Two biases are well known among psychologists who study the way

we make decisions. The first is known as the primacy bias. The first

You only get one chance to make a first impression.

My dad (and loads of other people’s mums and dads)

18 brilliant influence

information we receive has more impact on our assessment than the

things we learn later. I will interpret your behaviour and the things

you say in the context of the first thing I find out about you. This

is an example of “framing”, which means that our first impressions

set the context for how we interpret people, information and ideas.

If the first thing I learn about you is an introduction from a col-

league, who tells me you are an expert, then that’s how I will

perceive you. If I don’t get that introduction, then as soon as I

meet you, I will size you up and make an instinctive judgement.

Are you neat or scruffy? Do you look important or insignificant?

Do you seem in control or uncertain?

The second bias leads us to notice things that confirm what we

already believe to be true. It locks my first impression of you

into place, by spotting evidence that supports it – even if my

impression is wrong. At the same time, my brain will screen out

evidence that contradicts my beliefs, until the weight of that

evidence screams at me.

So if you came across to me as uncertain, for example, I will notice

every hesitation in your voice and every qualification of your

opinion. I will be less inclined to spot when you tell me something

important and credit you with the authority you deserve.

How we judge each other

There are six signs that we give each other on first meeting and

all of them are under your control: posture, expression, dress,

co-ordination, grooming and body language.

Posture

Your posture will tell me a lot about your confidence and

your general mood. Good posture sends signals that you

are someone who feels in control and comfortable in your

environment.

Appearance matters: how to look influential 19

Expression

Your expression will back up the message I get from your

posture. Consciously, I will notice your expression more, but it is

easier to fake and so less persuasive than your posture. However,

it is still very important.

The two keys are smiling – it is a sign of confidence and wel-

comes the other person – and making good eye contact. Good

eye contact requires that you hold the other person’s eyes for

as long as they are comfortable – and no longer. To help you

remember to make eye contact, when you shake hands with

someone, note the colour of their eyes. This will force you to

make eye contact.

brilliant

dos and don’ts for great posture

Do

 Keep your feet on the floor, pointing at the person you are

speaking with. Letting your foot point towards the door or

someone else signals an unconscious desire to leave the

conversation.

 Walk with steady, moderately long strides. Hold yourself

upright, facing forward.

 Stand or sit upright, facing directly towards the person you are

speaking with.

 When someone attracts your attention, turn your whole body

towards them, rather than just your head or, worse, just your

eyes.

Don’t

 Cross your arms: it isn’t always a defensive gesture, but is often

interpreted as one.

 Rush: it is a sign of lack of control.

 Move too slowly: it signals hesitancy and lack of confidence.