Brilliant Influence

CHAPTER 1

Use your

common

sense: the

basics of

influence

W

e are all born with influencing skills. Babies can get

attention when they need it and toddlers are even

more influential, using charm and tantrums to get what

they want.

As we grow older, we add more layers to these innate

influencing skills, introducing such things as persuasion and

flirtation. Most of us are unaware that we are doing this – it

comes naturally. Our education teaches us to use another pow-

erful influencing skill: reason. So, already, whether you know it

or not, you have some finely honed influencing skills that you

can work with.

In this chapter I want to focus on your innate influencing skills

and show you how you can use them to create a strong base for

the brilliant influencing skills that will follow.

The four things we all know about influence

By the time we leave school, we have learned four fundamental

things about how to influence the people around us: the “four

As of influence”.

 Actions. “Actions speak louder than words” is a cliché

because it is true. We will look at what three actions speak

loudest and have the greatest positive impact on other

people.

6 brilliant influence



Attitudes. Our attitudes infect the people around us. I will

show you the three brilliant attitudes that send powerful

messages about who you are and why people should be

influenced by you.

 Analysis. Being able to give compelling reasons is a crucial

part of being influential. I will show you how to prepare for

influence and a great technique for overcoming resistance

when you disagree with someone.

 Approach. Early in life, we discover the three approaches

that we can take to get what we want from other people.

I call these “the good, the bad, and the ugly”. In the last

section of this chapter, I will offer you the choice.

Attitudes

Analysis Approach

Actions

Figure 1.1 The four As of influence

Use your common sense: the basics of influence 7

Actions

We need to be the change we wish to see in the world.

Mohandas K. Gandhi

Three types of action consistently impress others and encourage

them to like, trust and respect you: courtesy, generosity and

follow-through. Let’s look at these one at a time.

Courtesy

Courtesy is a label for all those actions that both conform to

social norms and make other people feel that it is a pleasure to

be around you. Examples include letting people go first, holding

doors, helping with parcels, and saying “thank you”. These are

not difficult, but they say a lot about you. They also trigger one

of the most important influence responses, reciprocity: I am

grateful for what you have done for me, so I want to do some-

thing in return.

Think about some times when you did people favours; did they

thank you for it? An unacknowledged favour probably left you

wondering why you bothered; but on another occasion, when

you received proper thanks, you were probably pleased to have

been of help. Maybe you have noticed that, while a general

thank you is courteous, it has little impact, because it feels like

a reflexive response. You can create more impact by making

your “thank you” more specific. Try saying: “Thank you for

. . .”.

Generosity

Generosity builds your influence in so many ways: showing you

have the resources to be generous, creating a sense of recip-

rocal obligation, and showing you are thoughtful, for example.