Brilliant Confidence

CHAPTER 6

Handling

conflict with

confidence

T

here’s an art to dealing confidently with conflict. Just as an

army needs a strategy to win a battle, so, on a more tactical

level, do you need tactics to deal with a personal skirmish.

We all encounter these skirmishes from time to time, some of

us even on a daily basis. But how do

you normally react? You’ll probably

tend to react in the same way each

time. That’s because you have your

own instinctive way of dealing with

conflict.

If you’ve started to use some of the tips covered so far in

Brilliant Confidence, you should find that the number of conflict

situations you encounter starts to reduce. For example, the

simple act of adapting your communication style should make

a huge difference to your relationships at work, at home and

socially.

Your instinctive approach to conflict

Have you ever thought constructively about how you instinc-

tively react when someone criticises you, says you’re wrong,

frustrates you or winds you up? Some people come out of their

corner fighting every time, even when they think or even know

the other person is right. Other people will just give in or avoid

the conflict, even when they know the other person is wrong.

What do you tend to do?

you have your own

instinctive way of

dealing with conflict

166 brilliant confidence

The conflict zone chart below shows two conflict handling

extremes. Some people will ‘contest’ regardless of the situation;

others will just ‘give in’. Look at Figure 6.1 and put a cross on

the line between ‘contest’ and ‘give in’ to show where you think

your instinctive approach to conflict falls.

So you’ve drawn a cross somewhere on the line. Most people

assess themselves correctly in terms of their leaning but some

people find it difficult to judge the degree to which they lean; in

other words, the strength of their style. To help with this, go to

www.thinkconfidence.com and complete the Think Confidence

Conflict Style Questionnaire. It’s a simple questionnaire that

helps you to identify your instinctive conflict style and the degree

to which you use it.

Some people score themselves at one or the other extremes;

others see themselves falling in the middle. This middle ground

is the area of ‘compromise’. You might think that to compromise

is the right approach regardless of the situation – the solution that

suits both people. Well that’s true, but not all the time.

Contest

Compromise

Give in

Figure 6.1 The conflict zone