Understanding Page Events

Maybe this isn’t the best way to explain this. Maybe my mother wouldn’t be so proud of my openness. Maybe these examples will be too graphic for you, but it’s the best way I can describe it, so please bear with me.

Every morning of every workday I start my day the same way. I get up, drag my carcass into the living room, and turn on the television. I stare at overpaid morning show hosts like a dribbling fool, with about as much cerebral activity as an earthworm trying to figure out what to eat. After the first flicker of lights goes off in my cranium, I drag my carcass to the shower to defrost my brain.

In the shower I have a set routine so as not to miss any vital, proper hygienic functions and to ensure that the other ...

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