Confessions of a Public Speaker

Appendix E. You can’t do worse than this

We all have great stories we tell our friends about something in life gone horribly wrong. Bad things happen. Life goes on. And eventually what was miserable becomes funny, at least for our friends. These stories work because they make others feel better about things going wrong in their lives, including the person it happened to.

I’ve compiled this list for that single reason: to make everyone feel better. Whatever you’re afraid of, I suspect it’s not anywhere near as bad as what happened to these folks. And these are all smart, experienced speakers. It’s an honor to make the list, and I’m grateful to all the people who contributed a story.

Does anyone speak Georgian?

My worst was also one of my first. I was asked to “attend” a conference of “senior government officials” in Georgia (as in the Republic of). I arrived late in the evening and was taken to a government house to sleep. The driver woke me at 7 a.m., and we left at 7:30 to drive an hour or so to a government office. When I arrived, I found about 50 top officials, from the president of the Supreme Court (and most of the Court), to the leaders of the parliament, and about 20 representatives from the president’s office. I was seated at the head of the table. No translator for me. The president of the Court began—two sentences in English welcoming me, and then 20 minutes or so to the audience in Georgian. He then turned to me and said in English, “Now, we’d like you to give a one-hour ...